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undertow
 |  | Does your wife know?
< on 5/16/2007 11:01 AM >
|  | | | Hi. New member here. I did a lot of exploring in my younger days, but have been away from it for about 20 years now. I'm 39 and married with two kids, and I've got the itch to go exploring again. But here's the problem: my wife just won't "get it" if I try to explain it to her. She won't understand what we do, or why we do what we do. She'll worry about the risks - getting caught, getting hurt, getting attacked by goons, etc. She'll think it's childish and irresponsible. Etc, etc etc.
So...for the married guys here...does your wife know about your hobby? Does she approve? How do you explain it to her? Or, how do you hide it from her?
And please, no lectures about open and honest relationships and sharing and all that crap. Everyone who's been married for any length of time knows that there are certain things that she just won't understand. For us, this happens to be one of those things. We do have a very honest and open relationship in general. But I know with 1000% certainty that she will not understand why I would want to do this.
Am I alone here?
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junquehunter
  
location:
Columbia SC
Gender: Female
| |  | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 1 on 5/16/2007 11:14 AM >
| | | | my partner does know about my hobby, she doesn't get it, understand it, and all those other things you say; however, she also knows how happy it makes me but has warned me that if I get thrown in jail, she's not bailing me out! I don't put it before any household obligations or so often it conflicts with things around the house or with the family, so there isn't a problem of me being a selfish jerk that gets to run around and do everything I want while she's stuck at home being a drudge. you have to find balance is all....and pray for a bit of understanding.
I smoked Marlboro reds for 20 years, I don't need no stinkin respirator! |
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nohbdy
  
Gender: Male
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<Reply # 2 on 5/16/2007 11:49 AM >
| | | | my partner and i have races to see who can make it in to a site first
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RobTech
location:
'da 305
Gender: Male
20 Year's, and still looking ...
| |  | | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 3 on 5/16/2007 12:06 PM >
| | | | I am close to your age and also married with kids. I am fortunate to have found a partner in life that has many of the same interest that I do. She also worries about me getting caught or worse yet, getting hurt, but she has never tried to stop me from doing it. Many times she has even driven me to the point and waited near by while I do my thing. We both understand that people need time alone to do their own things, on that point we ses eye to eye. She's gone on a select few missions with me, more to cure her curiosity than anything else. Personally I would be hesitant on taking her all the time for fear of both of us getting arrested.
In your case you might not ever be able to get her to agree with what you do, but she has to at least accept it and give you you space.
Good luck, Rob.
Home of Florida's Explorers
Flurbex.com |
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Speed
location:
Philly area
Gender: Male
Retired Explorer
| | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 4 on 5/16/2007 1:11 PM >
| | | | Wifey Knows, she even finds locations for me.
my Wife wasnt sure or didnt understand at first either....until she saw pics.
it didnt make her want to go but it sure helped her understand the why.
now she's like a crack head....all she wants to know when I get home is "wheres the pics?"
my Wife is cool with it but honestly she has zero interest in coming with.
R.I.P. NickSan | R.I.P. Don Corleyone |
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Jonsered
location:
Back in New Mexico where I belong
Gender: Male
Dressed for a scarecrow ball.........
| |  | | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 5 on 5/16/2007 2:32 PM >
| | | | my wife was not an exploring type when we met. She actually thought it was a little weird when I explained it. It took awhile, but I finally got her to a couple of little places: an abandoned mini golf course and an old warehouse. That was all it took. Now she is out scouting locations without me, and she it as hardcore as they come.
Give her a shot undertow. You never know how much she might enjoy it!
I have changed my personal exploring ethics code. From now on it will be: "Take only aimed shots, leave only hobo corpses." Copper scrappers, meth heads and homeless beware. The Jonsered cometh among you, bringing fear and dread.
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Explorer H
  
Obla-di-obla-doberator
location:
Around the corner from the Turkey Hill
Gender: Male
I just want some slack.
| | | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 6 on 5/16/2007 2:48 PM >
| | | | My wife knows. Although the frequency of exploring I used to enjoy is long gone with the addition of kids. For me it's all in the name of photography, so that's the main motivator my wife accepts.
http://doublehmedia.com http://hartmancommercialphoto.com |
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shellyl
location:
Lenoir NC
Gender: Female
I have learned not sweat the petty things and not to pet the sweaty things.
| | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 7 on 5/16/2007 3:13 PM >
| | | | I have been with my other half for over 20 years. He has hated it from day one. Thinks it is stupid and can not even begin to understand why I would do this sort of thing. However, he has his hobbies and I have mine. I don't tell him how stupid I think his are and I won't listen when he says mine are. As long as my family obligations are not set aside he lets me go occasionally without too much of a bitch.
As far as hiding it, I know what you said but that may get you accused of bigger things. Maybe explain to her why you are so into it and if she won't budge even an inch then think about hiding it.
A mirage is not an optical illusion. It is a real phenomenon, and one can take photographs of it. The interpretation of the image, however, is up to the fantasy of the human mind.
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Squidgit
location:
Brighton Ontario
Gender: Female
There is not a sprig of grass that shoots uninteresting to me
| | | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 8 on 5/16/2007 3:31 PM >
| | | | I am a wife and mother, and I like to explore with my husband (Atomx)
I do agree with shellyl though. "Maybe explain to her why you are so into it and if she won't budge even an inch then think about hiding it."
Great idea, and as a wife and mommy, I think that is your best bet
The richness I achieve comes from Nature, the source of my inspiration. |
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onewingedangel
location:
omaha, nebraska
Gender: Female
sweet bliss
| |  | | | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 9 on 5/16/2007 3:32 PM >
| | | | my husband knows to a point, he knows that I take pictures of old buildings and has occasionally stopped so I can take some if we are driving somewhere and he knows that if there wasnt a fence I would probably walk right in, I think he has a hunch that if I find a place that draws my interest with a fence that I will go in anyway but he doesnt ask and I dont tell  Most of my exploring though at the moment is sporadic on road trips to visit family alone since he cant leave the area because of work. Long road trip coming up Good luck.
Check out my photos http://s153.photob...ewingedangel73107/ |
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MutantMandias
Perverse and Often Baffling
location:
Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Are you a reporter? Contact me for a UE interview! Also not averse to the the idea of group/anal.
| | | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 10 on 5/16/2007 4:32 PM >
| | | | Posted by undertow
teh sux
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I'm 37, married, with two kids. Wife and kids and parents and boss and coworkers know what I do, and like to see my pictures.
Do you take pictures, or want to? I used to explore a lot when I was younger (5 years and up). It slowed down to just a background itch in my head during my late 20's, when I got busy with life. Then I took a photography class, which I hadn't done since high school, when our son was a couple of years old. As part of it, you're supposed to take lots of pictures and eventually do a "show" to the class. I was immediately drawn to the kinds of places that I love, run down buildings, abandoned places, etc.
So, what I'm saying is, if she thinks it might be a worthwhile endeavor to be creative and pursue photography as a hobby, then you can very easily just take pictures of places you like.
It's crazy to try to hide it. Insane. Madness. Doomed to failure and pain.
But I think I understand the situation where you believe that she wouldn't understand. I've been there in relationships before, regarding other issues. If this is who you are, then you just can't (shouldn't) hide it. You might be best to be careful about how you go about revealing it to her, if you have, until now, made the mistake of hiding this part of yourself.
If you're thinking it's best to just hide this part of yourself from her, then I guarantee that it's best for you to just forget about it yourself.
mutantMandias may cause dizziness, sexual nightmares, and sleep crime. ++++ mutantMandias has to return some videotapes ++++ Do not taunt mutantMandias
mutantMandias is something more than human, more than a computer. mutantMandias is a murderously intelligent, sensually self-programmed, non-being |
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Wolfmaan
location:
Canada
Gender: Male
UrBex
| | | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 11 on 5/16/2007 4:46 PM >
| | | | My wife is as much an adventurer as I am. She loves to go exploring in any capacity - especially UE
Send lawyers, guns, and money... |
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dundertits
location:
at the beginning
Cave Cave Deus Videt
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<Reply # 12 on 5/16/2007 7:14 PM >
| | | | sure does...
Kabbalah is an undramatic tradition that requires great patience and stability. One of the reasons for this tempo is that everyone has to mature his potential gradually and thoroughly at his natural pace. In this way his life's work unfolds at the right moment in his own and the cosmos's time.
Z.B.S. Halevi -- Kabbalah |
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DevilC
location:
Washington, District of Corruption
Gender: Male
I serve as a blank screen on which people of vastly different political stripes project their views.
| | | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 13 on 5/16/2007 8:49 PM >
| | | | Posted by undertow
Everyone who's been married for any length of time knows that there are certain things that she just won't understand.
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7 years and no dirty secrets.
You surely cannot live a double life. . . . . that's tiring and tedious!
Science flies you to the Moon. Religion flies you into tall buildings. |
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hatsumi
| | | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 14 on 5/16/2007 11:16 PM >
| | | | my wife and i together ten yrs...... she likes the fact i dont go out all night drinkn with the boys, that i dont carry on about sports or cars, and that i have a hobby that is special, just like me....
there is no way in the world she would ever come with me, but she enjoys the hundred or so ue pr0n photos on our screensaver,,,and can see why i like doing what we do.....she thinks im a big kid who never grew up, and she is absolutely right...
if i ever had to dodge security or police, or something hariy happened, i might edit the nights events when i got home, cause i dont want her to worry too much.....otherwise she is cool with it
good luck !
drainasaurus maximus |
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Debi
location:
Worcester County, MA
Gender: Female
| | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 15 on 5/18/2007 4:32 PM >
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I think its all in the approach; if you tell her your entering abandon buildings that pose physical danger and the chance at being arrested she will most likely NOT understand. My husband was the same way; called me nuts and lectured the hell out of me about danger, cops, etc etc. I told him I was just "interested in photographing urban history" then I took him along on a "mild" steam plant site. He was intrigued and even enjoyed it. The next time I asked him to come along it was to see a location that I had permission by the owner to see. He saw how much I enjoyed and now he leaves me alone about it. Plus I'm "vague" when I do explore dangerous sites. The most he bitches about now is that he doesn't want me going alone; which I agree with.
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mos6502
location:
St. Louis, Missouri
Gender: Male
8 bits are enough.
| | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 16 on 5/18/2007 6:12 PM >
| | | | My wife not only knows, but has an account on this forum (Kitmao)! I am, however, still the primary instigator of our explorations and mostly responsible for coming up with locations and POE's and other logistical planning. In our case, we are both musicians/artists, so the rare beauty that can be captured via photography is a great appeal in addition to the thrill of being somewhere we aren't supposed to be. In fact we're shooting a music video in an abandonment mid-June, she is so excited it has cost her some sleep at times. Plugging exploration into an artistic outlet gives it that extra sense of purpose that goes beyond that juvenile sort of rush you get from just being there... although I hardly intend to downplay that rush... there's enough purpose alone in having some pure, unadulterated fun.
And I agree with Debi in that it's all about the approach when you tell her. Downplay the risks but try not to lie about them, and play up the neat-o factor Show her some cool pictures, and use this website to demonstrate how this isn't just for 12 year olds; in fact for those who are serious about exploring it's rather important to be an adult. Vandalism, burglary and generally acting stupid in places where you can easily fall to your death are hardly your intent and that changes things.
You might also add that regardless of any risks involved, people live for risk. My boss, who is your age and makes $130k a year with a family and all the trimmings, is heading out to race the Baja 500 on a dirt bike two weeks from now. People bungee jump, sky dive, scuba dive, climb mountains, ski, whatever... it's exactly when things aren't safe that you feel most alive. UE is really no different, it's just not on MTV Finally, it's better to go out and find risks you want to confront directly than let them come to you... massive numbers of civilized, normal and "settled down" people get their kicks out of wasting their lives at smoky bars every night, and driving home wasted... I'd rather take my chances of getting a trespassing ticket. Not to offend those of you who like bars, but simply reminding everyone that all of this is just a matter of perspective.
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Debi
location:
Worcester County, MA
Gender: Female
| | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 17 on 5/18/2007 6:35 PM >
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Mos had a good point; in some ways I think your better equipped as an adult in this hobby than a teen. And as the old saying goes; "what people fear most is the unknown". If you could get her more familiar with the positive side of UE, maybe she would be more understanding.
If all that fails you can give her an ultimatum; show her the "Jackass" movie and tell her your either going to start your own Jackass crew; or urban explore. Then let her choose.
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MutantMandias
Perverse and Often Baffling
location:
Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Are you a reporter? Contact me for a UE interview! Also not averse to the the idea of group/anal.
| | | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 18 on 5/18/2007 6:46 PM >
| | | | Besides, UE is a great way to meet loose women.
mutantMandias may cause dizziness, sexual nightmares, and sleep crime. ++++ mutantMandias has to return some videotapes ++++ Do not taunt mutantMandias
mutantMandias is something more than human, more than a computer. mutantMandias is a murderously intelligent, sensually self-programmed, non-being |
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Opheliaism
Moderator
location:
Out on the border of everything and nothing, TN
Ophie
| | | Re: Does your wife know?
<Reply # 19 on 5/18/2007 7:45 PM >
| | | | Posted by MutantMandias
Besides, UE is a great way to meet loose women.
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Hey! I resemble that remark! (not really, but it was funny)
Show up at 9:30 with 15 dollars cash and your fingers crossed.
<Mandias> I think she's gonna slug that cop. -------------------------------------------------------- <Axle> "She's just not a farmer Owen, she has too much of her Father in her." <Axle> Death by Hut |
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