Van Halen or Van Hagar? - Thread - Urban Exploration Resource

Van Halen (a.k.a. The best rock band ever) were a group of Norse warriors from Panama who took to the streets of America in 1974. They are responsible for the deaths of many a stereobox. They helped to defeat the Disco Menace by introducing hard bu catchy riffs to the musical world. Eddy Van Halen is well known for his stunning display of ax-manship when he beheaded Disco Duck. It is speculated that he ate the head later, as no traces of the head have ever been found. Unfortunately, when the insidious Disco Menace had been vanquished, the band had no more enemies to obliterate. They turned on each other and there was a civil war. Eddy Van Halen led a group of viscious beserkers to David Lee Roth's Fortress of Rock. After a year-long siege, Eddy broke through and slayed everyone inside the Fortress, everyone that is, except David. David managed to escape on Sliepnir, the many legged horse previously under the ownership of Odin. The group was than assaulted by an unexpected menace. Bubble-gum Pop. With no one to screech into the microphone it seemed as though they were down for the count. Sammy Hagar took David's place as chief screecher. With the help of rising metal bands, Bubble-gum Pop had been kept at bay. But at what cost? Unfortunately, Sammy Hagar was maligned by a dark and sinister spell which made him suck. (It is rumored that Ozzy osbourne cast the spell in order to promote his own career, although Mr. Osbourne has denied all accusations, claiming he had been visiting his old friend, Satan. Lucifer has seconded these claims saying that they had been torturing the souls of the unworthy.) After years of inactivity and general suckiness, David Lee Roth emerged from the sky and stormed Eddie's Fortress. Thousands of beserkers stormed in to vanquish David, but he unleashed a single screech which sent their unworthy souls to Val Halla. He then made peace with Eddie and together they defeated Sammy Hagar and banished him to the Netherworlds. Sammy has sworn vengeance, but to this day no retrobution has been taken.

Van Hagar The second stage is known as the pop phase, featuring singer Sammy Faggar (father mother of the lead singer of a way worse band, Fall Out Boy. Sammy was also the winner of 'The 1904 Bette Midler Lookalike Award'). There is currently a $75,000 reward for any information leading to the arrest and/or execution of the bastard who replaced Diamond Dave.