Honestly, the video is a bit long. You could really cut down on some shots and remove a lot of the camera focusing part. I see the "feel" you're trying to achieve with that but you don't need a full 4 seconds of blurry video to get the point across. Somewhere around half a second would be more than enough.
Try to cut down the video to a 5 min clip. Just as an exercise. I do that sometimes and you'll be amazed at how much better the video gets.
Once you're at 5 minutes, put a nice soundtrack over it. Music really makes a big difference
Keep on making videos and share them on here. Props for the smooth camera motion.