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 jesusfreak
Location: Richardson
Gender: Male
 |  |  |  | Myspace...
< on 2/17/2006 2:49 PM >
|  | | | I just saw this on myspace and I just had to post it everywhere.....IT's hilarious.
Rules to Enter Texas:
Applies to each person as they enter Texas.
Learn & remember:
East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
1. Pull your droopy pants up.
You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road."
I drive a pickup truck because I want to.
No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells.
That's what they smell like that to you.
They smell like money to us.
Get over it.
Don't like it?
I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south.
Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car.
We're impressed.
We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves.
It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish.
You really want sushi & caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women.
That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce! ;
Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
Chili was born and bred in San Antonio.... and real chili never met a tomato!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses.
But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Texas Tech, Texas A&M or University of Texas. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas," If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:
"Texas can make it without the United States,
but the United States can't make it without Texas!"
Texas is the greatest state ever!! If you are from Texas you are bad ass.
Oh yes, there will be blood. |
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0U812
Location: Lubbock, TX
Gender: Female
Texploration
| | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 1 on 2/17/2006 2:54 PM >
| | | | Amen! Hilarious, but true.
I figured out what's wrong with life:
It's other people. |
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jesusfreak
Location: Richardson
Gender: Male
| | | | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 2 on 2/17/2006 3:04 PM >
| | | | I think peopel from other states entering texas actually needs to obide by these rules....then maybe texas won't be so fucked up.....thats not portaining to oklahoma, and such.....in the us south region...
Oh yes, there will be blood. |
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0U812
Location: Lubbock, TX
Gender: Female
Texploration
| | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 3 on 2/17/2006 3:20 PM >
| | | | I think they should all sign a waiver that they won't do anything stupid while they're here.
I figured out what's wrong with life:
It's other people. |
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jesusfreak
Location: Richardson
Gender: Male
| | | | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 4 on 2/17/2006 3:45 PM >
| | | | HA!!!!!!! oh my god a read that and fell over laughing. that's great....
Give them a contract..... if they breech the contract.... give them a good texan kick in the ass outta here.
Oh yes, there will be blood. |
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Noah Vale
    
Location: Portland, Or
It's nobler to never get paid, than to bank on shit and dismay
| |  | | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 5 on 2/17/2006 4:07 PM >
| | | | 10 and 15 are my favorites. I'm a god-hating, country-fearing, vegetarian with a degree from an A&M branch, and will soon graduate from Tech.
HA! Suck it rednecks!
"Dallas is a magnificent and wide open city, and I'm deeply envious of any urban explorers who have the good fortune to live there." -Ninj. |
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jesusfreak
Location: Richardson
Gender: Male
| | | | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 6 on 2/17/2006 4:09 PM >
| | | | TROLL7 stated it very well....hilarious but true...
Oh yes, there will be blood. |
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Dokk
Location: Lewisville, Texas
Gender: Male
| |  | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 7 on 2/17/2006 4:17 PM >
| | | | You forgot one very important rule:
Any reference to our women as being "corn fed" WILL git yore butt whupped...by our women.
"If I'm gonna get blamed for it, I might as well do it!" |
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0U812
Location: Lubbock, TX
Gender: Female
Texploration
| | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 8 on 2/17/2006 4:35 PM >
| | | | Or send them snipe hunting.
I figured out what's wrong with life:
It's other people. |
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Sam-][-aM
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Gender: Male
| | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 9 on 2/17/2006 4:53 PM >
| | | | 7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish.
You really want sushi & caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.
|
actually, I have found that Texas has a great number of fine Sushi and Japanese restaurants. So good in fact as to rival those on both coasts.
Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here! |
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0U812
Location: Lubbock, TX
Gender: Female
Texploration
| | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 10 on 2/17/2006 5:24 PM >
| | | | Posted by Noah Vale
10 and 15 are my favorites. I'm a god-hating, country-fearing, vegetarian with a degree from an A&M branch, and will soon graduate from Tech.
HA! Suck it rednecks!
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Aggie.
I figured out what's wrong with life:
It's other people. |
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Noah Vale
Location: Portland, Or
It's nobler to never get paid, than to bank on shit and dismay
| | | | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 11 on 2/17/2006 6:04 PM >
| | | |
Hardly. The operative word is branch.
"Dallas is a magnificent and wide open city, and I'm deeply envious of any urban explorers who have the good fortune to live there." -Ninj. |
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0U812
Location: Lubbock, TX
Gender: Female
Texploration
| | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 12 on 2/17/2006 6:06 PM >
| | | | Posted by Noah Vale
Hardly. The operative word is branch.
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Doesn't matter. Ashamed are you?
I figured out what's wrong with life:
It's other people. |
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jesusfreak
Location: Richardson
Gender: Male
| | | | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 13 on 2/17/2006 6:06 PM >
| | | | there isn't a god damn thing wrong with aggies.... my brother just graduated from texas a&m.....
Dokk, I love that rule.... my wife as one of the actual *as kid rock puts it* big corn fed mid western hoes...
but none the less, we need to slap the shit out of anyone that disobeys these rules
Oh yes, there will be blood. |
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Jonsered
Location: Back in New Mexico where I belong
Gender: Male
Dressed for a scarecrow ball.........
| |  | | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 14 on 2/17/2006 6:08 PM >
| | | | Posted by TROLL7
Doesn't matter. Ashamed are you?
|
What is there to be ashamed of? A&M graduates have an excellent record of high starting salaries in the job market. Plus if you have never seen the Corp of Cadets on parade or doing drill, you haven't lived yet.
I have changed my personal exploring ethics code. From now on it will be: "Take only aimed shots, leave only hobo corpses." Copper scrappers, meth heads and homeless beware. The Jonsered cometh among you, bringing fear and dread.
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jesusfreak
Location: Richardson
Gender: Male
| | | | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 15 on 2/17/2006 6:10 PM >
| | | | I agree.... I haven't yet seen the corp of cadets, but i do love the campus....and the memorial.
Oh yes, there will be blood. |
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0U812
Location: Lubbock, TX
Gender: Female
Texploration
| | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 16 on 2/17/2006 6:11 PM >
| | | | I'm just messing with Noah. My favorite football game to go to is Tech vs A&M to see their cadets on parade.
I figured out what's wrong with life:
It's other people. |
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jesusfreak
Location: Richardson
Gender: Male
| | | | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 17 on 2/17/2006 6:12 PM >
| | | | I love how on this whole entire site, we post one topic on a thread...and a bout four or five replies down it completely changes topic.
Oh yes, there will be blood. |
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jesusfreak
Location: Richardson
Gender: Male
| | | | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 18 on 2/17/2006 6:12 PM >
| | | | I still haven't seen a an aggie game....I do however know about the 12th man.
Oh yes, there will be blood. |
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Jonsered
Location: Back in New Mexico where I belong
Gender: Male
Dressed for a scarecrow ball.........
| | | | Re: Myspace...
<Reply # 19 on 2/17/2006 6:21 PM >
| | | | Posted by jesusfreak
I love how on this whole entire site, we post one topic on a thread...and a bout four or five replies down it completely changes topic.
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I've noticed that as well. By the way, how do I hook an outboard motor to my motorhome?
KIDDING!
I have changed my personal exploring ethics code. From now on it will be: "Take only aimed shots, leave only hobo corpses." Copper scrappers, meth heads and homeless beware. The Jonsered cometh among you, bringing fear and dread.
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