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UER Mobile > Private Boards Index > Rumours, Blackmale, Bullshit, and Lies > Proper BBQ Rules (Viewed 3140 times)

post by GreyDeath   |  | 
Proper BBQ Rules
< on 5/31/2007 8:48 PM >

BBQ RULES*

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:*

Routine...**

(1)* The woman buys the food.*
(2)* The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.*
(3)* The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.*

Here comes the important part:**

(4)* THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.*

More routine....** *

(5)* The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.*
(6)* The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.*

Important again:**

(7)* THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.*

More routine....*

(8)* The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils,
napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.*
(9)* After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

* And most important of all:* *

(10)* Everyone *PRAISES* and *THANKS HIM* for his cooking efforts.*
(11)* The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....

-Me!


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post by KONG   |  | Sus scrofa domestica

Re: Proper BBQ Rules
<Reply # 1 on 5/31/2007 10:16 PM >

mmmmm BBQ


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post by micro   |  | 
Re: Proper BBQ Rules
<Reply # 2 on 5/31/2007 10:26 PM >

Lemme guess.. some relative of yours fwd'd you that?


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post by GreyDeath   |  | 
Re: Proper BBQ Rules
<Reply # 3 on 5/31/2007 11:03 PM >

Posted by micro
Lemme guess.. some relative of yours fwd'd you that?


Close... My father did. =]

-Me!


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post by DevilC   |  | 
Re: Proper BBQ Rules
<Reply # 4 on 6/1/2007 12:34 AM >

Is BBQ allowed in Eastern Canada?


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post by Arc_Tangent   |  | Arrr, I'm a PIRATE!

Re: Proper BBQ Rules
<Reply # 5 on 6/1/2007 2:21 PM >

Posted by DevilC
Is BBQ allowed in Eastern Canada?


no, BBQ was banned 10 years ago. It was deemed a non-satanic practice by his Magesty the Emperor of Canada.


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post by yokes   |  | 
Re: Proper BBQ Rules
<Reply # 6 on 6/1/2007 2:27 PM >

Posted by GreyDeath


Close... My father did. =]

-Me!


Your father is not a relative of yours?


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post by GreyDeath   |  | 
Re: Proper BBQ Rules
<Reply # 7 on 6/1/2007 8:19 PM >

Posted by yokes


Your father is not a relative of yours?


I don't consider my immediate family to be relatives.

But lets get back on topic.



-Me!


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post by HillbillyHorus   |  | 
Re: Proper BBQ Rules
<Reply # 8 on 6/2/2007 2:03 PM >

Haha . . . it's so true.


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post by Samurai   |  | Vehicular Lord Rick

Re: Proper BBQ Rules
<Reply # 9 on 6/29/2007 9:14 AM >

nice.
there's nothing like charring flesh on an open flame to bring out the caveman in someone.

Samurai



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post by rainman8889   |  | 
Re: Proper BBQ Rules
<Reply # 10 on 7/2/2007 2:23 PM >

Posted by Samurai
nice.
there's nothing like charring flesh on an open flame to bring out the caveman in someone.

Samurai



<deep gruff voice while thumping chest> MEAT! FIRE! GOOD!


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post by KublaKhan   |  | 
Re: Proper BBQ Rules
<Reply # 11 on 9/4/2007 11:23 PM >

Rule Number One: once the flesh hits the grill NO KNIVES ALLOWED until after it is served.

Drives me fucking mad every time I see some moron open a steak with a knife 'to see if it's done' while the meat is still on the grill.

WRONG WRONG WRONG.


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post by KONG   |  | Sus scrofa domestica

Re: Proper BBQ Rules
<Reply # 12 on 9/5/2007 10:37 AM >

Yes I couldn't agree more.

Except when you're learning how to do it, then small tests are allowed on your own portion. This shouldn't be required for long.


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post by Myelin   |  | 
Re: Proper BBQ Rules
<Reply # 13 on 9/5/2007 12:16 PM >

Posted by KublaKhan
Rule Number One: once the flesh hits the grill NO KNIVES ALLOWED until after it is served.

Drives me fucking mad every time I see some moron open a steak with a knife 'to see if it's done' while the meat is still on the grill.

WRONG WRONG WRONG.


Seconded.

Add to that:

- People who compulsively need to press down on the meat with the back of the flipper while it is cooking. WHY?? WHY?????

- People who compulsively flip the meat over and over (read my lips: flip ONCE)


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post by KublaKhan   |  | 
Re: Proper BBQ Rules
<Reply # 14 on 9/5/2007 4:48 PM >

Posted by Myelin


Seconded.

Add to that:

- People who compulsively need to press down on the meat with the back of the flipper while it is cooking. WHY?? WHY?????

- People who compulsively flip the meat over and over (read my lips: flip ONCE)


Quoted for truth.

FLIP EXACTLY ONE TIME ONLY AND NEVER AGAIN.


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post by MutantMandias   |  | Perverse and Often Baffling

Re: Proper BBQ Rules
<Reply # 15 on 9/5/2007 5:04 PM >

Bah. You risk letting the center of the meat get warm if you keep it on one side too long.


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