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Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost
Part I
This is a story of a four day journey that Mrs. Ulcer and I took recently. Now, the reason for this little trip was to attend the graduation ceremony of my daughter from nursing school at Southern Arkansas University in Magnolia Arkansas. I'm not going to regale you with tales of the 6 hour drive from Houston to Magnolia through some of the most God forsaken country in world. Nor will I bore you with the story of my encounter with the batshit crazy ex-Mrs. Ulcer and her backwoods, redneck husband who attend the graduation wearing a Cat baseball cap, old greasy jeans and a t-shirt or their semi-retarded, rickets ridden love child. I could also include the dramatic tale of my agoraphobic mother who panics at even the prospect of leaving her zip code and my father who has to be either drunk or stoned to get through even the most minor social event.
No dear reader this is not about any of that. I will simply say that Mrs. Ulcer and I arrived Thursday evening in Magnolia attended the graduation, toured the campus with my daughter and left the next morning. Now here we have to take a bit of a detour and delve into some of the drama hinted at but left out as it explains how we ended up taking the journey that we did. The plan was to attend graduation Friday, allow my ex-wife and her clan of hillbilly relatives to take my daughter to lunch and help load her dorm room possessions into whatever vehicle they managed to piece together with duct tape and bailing wire. We were then going to take my daughter to an extremely nice restaurant in the nearby town of El Dorado that evening and leave the next morning. Seems simple right? By the time we had arrived in Magnolia the entire plan had somehow unraveled faster than a Chinese yo-yo.
The ex and her posse of rubes had to get back to Chickenfuck Arkansas (or wherever they live) for the annual Pig Hollarin' contest where Aunt Edna was defending her title. My parents decided that they really didn’t want to hang around all day just to have dinner so they also left as soon as the photos were taken. This left us with my daughter and no plans for the rest of the day. We toured the campus and went to eat at the best restaurant in town - Flying Burger. I'm not kidding here. Google it. It's the highest rated eatery in Magnolia AR.
After lunch we dropped her off, checked out of the hotel and decided to make the most of the time and head off to Shreveport to stay at the El Dorado hotel and casino for the night. Now for those of you who have never had the pleasure of visiting the lovely town of Shreveport you have no idea what you are missing. Virtually the entire town is URBEX worthy - even the buildings that are occupied! The El Dorado was the best hotel in town as rated by Trip Advisor. It also had table games so we were sold! Well dear reader, I have to confess that we were oversold... I will simply say a couple of words about the hotel itself before we continue. A pile of dogshit covered in flies was less garish than this hotel and smelled better. The food was overpriced and I'm pretty sure that same pile of dogshit tasted batter.
After depositing our luggage into our room I needed a nap. Mrs. Ulcer headed downstairs and for an hour was unseen with a small fortune in her purse. She returned an hour later after having spent $30 on the slots and having won $130! So far not a bad start, aside from the bed that either had a previous occupant with an aversion to water or contained underneath it the moldering remains of Jimmy Hoffa.
Hearing this, I got up and headed downstairs to seek my own fortune. Visions of piles of chips stacked up in front of me while barely clad women surrounded me watching my every move with rapped attention and a pit boss offering the presidential suite for the night filled my mind as I entered the elevator in which someone had just passed gas.
After 2 hours at the tables I was down $200 and hating this place. I told Mrs. Ulcer that we needed to take a break and head upstairs for a few hours and wait for the tables to start heating up. At 8:00 we went back down and hit the tables again. With an additional $200 in hand I was determined to not only recover my losses but walk out able to afford a mid-sized home in Monte Carlo. By 11:30 I was up to $650, tired, drunk and ready to call it quits. Mrs. Ulcer joined me and I told her I was done. More than a bit buzzed herself she was in full swing and would have nothing of it. "Get this man another scotch on the rocks! Make it a double!" This was not going to be good. We continued to drink, winning and losing all night long until finally at 4:00am after 8 hours I was sitting at breakeven... Mrs. Ulcer on the other hand had somehow managed to drink half of the hotel's available supply of Chardonnay while simultaneously losing the gross domestic product of a small African country. It was time to go to bed.
See More on Flickr!
https://www.flickr...tos/133983270@N06/
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You're a brilliant story teller. I thoroughly enjoyed reading Part I. Congrats to your daughter on graduating on her graduation!
I have had the pleasure of driving through Shreveport area numerous times while driving to PA. Good to know i have never missed anything by not staying at a casino
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Well thank you for the compliment! Keep reading parts 2 and 3, it gets better and eventually you get to my half assed photos!
See More on Flickr!
https://www.flickr...tos/133983270@N06/
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Love the story! I am hooked and moving on to part 2. It took all I could not to bust out laughing in class a few times during the read.
Edit: Yes Congrats to your Daughter!
[last edit 5/15/2017 2:58 PM by tombombadom - edited 1 times]
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Posted by Peptic Ulcer
Well thank you for the compliment! Keep reading parts 2 and 3, it gets better and eventually you get to my half assed photos!
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I was waiting for photos of the vehicle put together with baling wire and duct tape.Amazing photos none the less! I love historical markers, especially seeing the ones that have been used as target practice by angry teenagers out in the country.
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Yay for your daughter!
Oh yeah..., did you show her the photos of that mystery powder you accidentally released into our breathable air supply last month?  I'm hopeful that we will live since we're not dead yet!
Congratulations to her, that is awesome that she graduated and (hopefully) all of her loved ones were able to attend her graduation and yet still are alive and accounted for (although I haven't read part II yet, so I hope I'm not being overly optimistic)!
I wish I'd known you were going to Shreveport, I would have recommended a couple spots for lodging that might have been slightly better than a pile of dog shit. I used to frequent the casinos quite often back when I played a lot of Texas Hold'em. We usually were able to get our rooms for free as well - there are ways to do so with out spending a crap load of money at the tables! Next time y'all decide to gamble out there, check out the Horseshoe or Boomtown. I found the vibe at those locations to be the most jovial, fun, and profitable when playing the tables (I'm not a big fan of slots, so I can't really comment on that aspect).
You are absolutely right about Shreveport - it is an amazing town to explore and, in my opinion, not given the credit it deserves in this regard - especially for the region (same goes for the neighboring Texarkana, btw). Shreveport is also where I was able to receive the blessing of the neighboring Sheriff's dept to light paint that gorgeous old mansion. I bring that up because I think Mrs. Ulcer would really enjoy that one and not have to worry about getting into trouble!
Here's the house I mentioned - one I think you and Mrs. Ulcer would both appreciate!
by Dee Ashley, on Flickr
by Dee Ashley, on Flickr
I wandered till the stars went dim. | |
Oh, and Robert Frost is one of my favorite poets and you picked one of my favorite poems (it's so popular for good reason)!
I wandered till the stars went dim. | |
Posted by Dee Ashley
Here's the house I mentioned -
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That's cool the across the street folks let you wander. When I was there, there was a little homeless setup inside. Couple beds and homemade weapons.
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Posted by skatchkins
That's cool the across the street folks let you wander. When I was there, there was a little homeless setup inside. Couple beds and homemade weapons.
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When was that? I was there about a year ago and there was no sign of anyone else there.
I wandered till the stars went dim. |
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