Infiltration

Its midnight. I've had a weird day. I went to school today to clear out my locker and get an exam done. I asked my teacher if doing the exam would actually get me two credits, of course he said no. I had been expecting that. On top of that the Vice Principal said to not expect attending there in the fall. You know what I say? FUCK YOU. You know what I do after I leave? Punch myself in the fucking gut because I'M THE REASON I FUCKED UP. I go back to the VP's office, apologize and leave on good terms. That felt better.

Alright, now I've got a whole summer to waste. The bus ride home was rather nice, I felt like a large 100lb weight had been lifted as I cruised through industrial Hamilton, listening to System of a Down. Music is fun. I thought moreso about what is going to happen this summer. Will I be working? Will I be slacking? Will I have a relationship? Will I be exploring all the time? My estimate is a little of all, but more of work. If I can get down a good $8/hour job, I can probably get some saved up, get a car/license and focus on some alternative education. I think thats what I need before I can do education... income. I don't care if it means a fucking McJob. Its work and its money, I don't care what the fuck it looks like.

I feel like such a whore. I made a Face The Jury account. I must be desperate. Sigh.. I am a whore, I'm campaigning myself for the attention of women... FTJ gets you the wrong attention though, the kind of woman I am looking for probably would never glance at a site like that. I guess its cause I'm too shy to go out and look in real life, she just has to fall into my lap. Like thats going to fucking happen. I've had many chances and many have gone by. I bet its cause I'm not very socially appealing. You guys have seen my picture, come on. I ain't no prize pig or anything and my interests are definetely "ecentric" at best.

Anyway I'm kind of tired but I won't sleep. I watched Joy Luck Club again yesterday. I love that movie, people call me gay because of it. I call them a cock trout. There is a line from it, where Auntie YinYang or whatever her name is, she is in her daughter's room... her daughter and new husband are arguing over their "equal" relationship. She says "She comes up the stairs to find me, she hears me calling even though I say nothing". "I am standing by, ready to pounce like a tiger". She says to her daughter "Is this what you want?" "Because if it isn't, you must give him NO doubt at all". "You must leave this house and not come back until he gives you what you want with OPEN HANDS". I like that line, I kind of butchered it because I can't remember it word for word but thats the general theme. You have to know what you want in life, you need to go get it. If you don't get it, you will be pushed around.

I'm gonna go get it now.

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Infiltration Forums > Journal Index > Is he a dot or is he a speck? > June 19, 2004(Viewed 2116 times)

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