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*note* I took some sleeping pills right before thinking about writing this. Hopefully it'll make sence *note*
Long story short: I got married, had a kid (beautiful lil girl) in 2008. Wife and I seperate in 2009 (maybe it was early 2010, forgot). She takes the kiddo and moves 3 hours away. I see the kid roughly 1-2 times per month. Love her to death. Wish I could spend more time with her, but they live so far out on the boonies there's no where to really go except to stay at the ex in-law's place which is infested with cats (I'm highly allergic to cats). Typical weekend with her goes something like this:
Wake up early Saturday morning. Drive 3 hours there. Arrive around noon or so. Play with daughter from the time I arrive to the time she goes home and/or I'm about to pass out from exhaustion. Sleep. Wake up. If I'm about to get my breathing under control using an inhaler, I'll stay until mid or late afternoon playing with her (thought she doesn't usually show up until 11). If I can't get my breathing regulated, the only safe place is in my car as I'm allergic to outside too (damn grass).
Fast forward to today. I'm stuck with a job I don't mind in a place I can't stand (Dayton sucks for anything that isn't UE related, and it even sucks then). Ohio sucks, can't stand this state. The weather sucks....blah blah long story short I'm miserable in this pathetic excuse of a state. My own sanity dictates I need to move away. I'm thinking middle to northern California. I think I could get a job out there without TOO many headaches.
I guess the question ultimately boils down to: Should I take the plunge and move, knowing I'd be leaving my lil'girl behind and visitations may be lessened? Or do I stay where I am, miserable, but able to see her once or twice per month?
Will add clarity tomorrow or after a few replies...yay sleeping meds!
When twilight draws near, when you are pushed to the very limits of your soul, when it seems that all you have left are the dead remnants of the fabric of your life:
-- BELIEVE | |
this may came off as a bit of an asshole question, but I don't mean it that way. How much you care for and love her? When I got married I ended up moving 6 hours away and to make sure I didn't see my son any less I came up with a custody arrangement where I had him every two weeks for two weeks at a time. I would drive back home and take him to his mother or pick him up every other weekend. I made it work because I couldn't stand the thought of seeing him any less, I now have full custody of him because his mother is insane and has made some horrible decisions. so it really comes down to how much effort you want to put into it and what your legal rights are. If you moved to California would you be able increase you custody? Could you have her for the summer and holidays? Could you work out an arrangement now where you get her more and can have her at your house? Could you move closer to where her mother lives and find work? If you want her more or at all, i would look into all the options available to you in your current situation. If you can't do anything living in OH and moving to CA doesn't hurt your chances at a new arrangement, then go for it.
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I'd say that the main thing is that your daughter is growing up in a good environment. If she's happy and being raised well where she is, and you're not getting to spend much time with her anyway, then you shouldn't stick around if you're unhappy.
On the other hand, if you feel like you being close by is somehow making a huge difference to your daughter's quality of life, then you should stay.
Set up a weekly time when you can talk to your daughter over Skype. Make the scheduling for that set in stone and stick with it. If your ex doesn't have the computer, web cam and computer knowledge to set that up, then buy the gear for her and set it up before you leave.
As a side note...WHAT IS WITH ALL MY EXPLORER FRIENDS GOING TO THE WEST COAST!?!? BounceWiggle, uLive, Oryx, Aurelie, Crypton, now you, man, FUCK THIS SHIT! 
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..." -Dr. Suess | |
Posted by DJ Craig
As a side note...WHAT IS WITH ALL MY EXPLORER FRIENDS GOING TO THE WEST COAST!?!? BounceWiggle, uLive, Oryx, Aurelie, Crypton, now you, man, |
Get yourself up to Western NY.
What is a rebel? A man who says no. - Albert Camus | |
Tranquilzers will make you a bit more honest  .
Move closer to your kid or figure out a way you can spend more time. You can't be any kind of real parent being that far away. Look at any kid out there that you knew that grew up missing a parent or they weren't/barely around. Don't be lika a ton of other Dad's who go and fuck off on their kids - and I don't mean that like you would do it intentionally, but how much of a parent is someone that far away? Think of the person in your family you saw a few times a year, you love them because you are supoosed to, but do you know them or have a great bond, hell no.
One of my best friends has his kid full time and I respect the hell out of him. Anyone I've ever dated who has a child, how much of a parent they are is huge too. That's just my two cents.
Kudos to you man!
Everything is sweetened by risk.
-- Alexander Smith
http://www.flickr....hotos/11765127@N08 | |
Stay close. The time with your child will far outweigh the bad times with the job in the long run. Don't let anyone limit your time with your daughter.
A mirage is not an optical illusion. It is a real phenomenon, and one can take photographs of it. The interpretation of the image, however, is up to the fantasy of the human mind.
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