My beautiful angel would have turned one-month-old today.

Would I have been able to hold him yet? Would I have him held against my breast, nursing his fragile body into strength? Would his isolette be decorated with bright colors and warm blankets?

Maybe he would have smiled for us by now...

Instead, we will mark this occassion by visiting a monument company and picking out a headstone for our dead baby. Happy birthday Sawyer, here's a slab of granite.

I wanted so many things for him. Our dreams and hopes for our first-born son, our sweet baby Sawyer - are gone.

*This is a post from my blog today, but I wanted to post it here, because really - I want to scream. I want to die. "Pissed off" doesn't even begin to describe it. I'm beyond sad. Beyond angry. Beyond grief. I know and I've heard it will "get better" but right now, I'm just so full of rage and heartbreak. It's my life and it's a nightmare.

i don't even know what to say... love to you, DM, from everyone on this board. Just know that.

Posted by Samurai i don't even know what to say... love to you, DM, from everyone on this board. Just know that.

Definitely DM. Our condolences.