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 | part of 'why'
entry by tag_cryptic
4/5/2006 9:06 PM
| me in the factory i dwelt while finishing high school.
this is where it all started for me. scattered memos i found on site report the 'bowling furniture plant' was shut down partially sometime in the 80's and churned out it's last chair in '98. that is to say, the decay of my improvised bachelor pad was rather unevenly spread across the three building complex. this afforded rather accommodating board in some areas while the roof collapsed in others. to preface any of my stories, or rather "experiences" for lack of sensational quality and plot, i should tell you i rented an apartment at the time not so much as a place to live but more as a cover to avoid full hobo status and all the derision that comes with it in a small town. now, one year later, as i live in a car behind the restaurant where i work here in raleigh, i am making final arrangements to cross, smiling mischievously, the line i once shied from. one year was all it took to go from prospective yuppie to social purist.
i sit in a condemned warehouse in downtown raleigh as i write this. the descending moon drowns behind a lofty caged window to one side. pale yellow light slants across the floor from a street lamp outside the single door ahead of me. i hear a train rumble past not very far away. trains comfort me. something about inertia mixed with deafening sound and movement to an unknown place stirs the spirit. anyone that has access to freighter schedules or any leads to such information would do well to email me.
as i said, this place is condemned. from where i sit, i can see the caterpillar just outside. the machine waits amidst rubble to tear it's claw into this structure. soon the warehouse will join it's demolished counterparts on this block and be forgotten. erased. like a pencil mark on paper it will be scratched out and written over. in a day it could be gone. so could i.
i believe to be part of a whole is to find peace. western culture preaches that the self is the whole. art shows us that we fill the canvas entirely. marketing preaches self-improvement is the path to God. all bullshit aside, our bodies are structures, too, waiting for demolition. some men will decay over time. others will be torn down. in a doomed warehouse, one is close to that reality. i believe that is why Joe Blow avoids a place like this whereas i am drawn to it. to me every abandonment is a monument. to him, the same place is subtly disturbing. why are we different? because the picture is bigger than me. self-destruction is my path to God. the air in here is pure of lies, devoid of culture and i am whole.
since i am new to this community, i am unsure how many times what i have said has been said by others, but that is not what's important. our common character is, as i see it, what comprises UE. i am fascinated by how an activity celebrating seemingly anti-social behavior can generate the kind of movement this site is dedicated to.
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