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UER Forum > Journal Index > Thoughts From The Shadows > Alive (Viewed 2297 times)
Alive
entry by Path Walker 
2/6/2006 1:21 PM

Friday night, Anasazi and I are returning from Glens Falls after visiting some... acquaintances... I'm driving, Ana's sleeping. It's technically Saturday morning since we didn't leave until 0030 (12:30am) or so.

The Northway (I-87) was peacefully devoid of cars; the ride home was amazingly pleasant even though the radio was off and Ana was letting out the occasional snore beside me. I could have driven for hours. Sleep was almost a foreign concept to me, and I was thoroughly enjoying it. I felt truly awake, not in a mere literal sense of the word; I feel awake even when I'm sloughing slug-boy-style out of bed at 0630 every morning. This was something different, something nearly primal as though it were borne in my very blood and soul.

A little less than an hour later, we rounded the Rotterdam Square Mall on Campbell Ave and I looked at the empty mall parking lot and the dark Burger King on the opposite corner, and that's when it hit me: I didn't just feel awake. I felt... alive.

Things start falling into place during moments like this, epiphanies abound. Quite literally, if it weren't for my day-time class schedule and wanting to experience things like, you know, sunlight, I would rather prefer to live more of a nocturnal existence. Though I have been likened to a vampire before... for reasons I won't discuss here (yet)... I do enjoy the night. It's peaceful, serene even. Nearly no one is around. It's almost the perfect time to explore, especially to do reconnaissance; the world is almost completely and unequivocally mine.

I would be lying if I attempted to tell you that I wanted to go into the apartment with Ana and just fall asleep. I think on some level that she knew it too, the way she looked at me and touched my face as we hung our cigarette smoke-drenched jackets on the bar for the shower curtain as if in the hopes the small fan in the bathroom might rid them of the ungodly stench; in the way that she gently touched my face as we lay in bed after our much-needed shower to cleanse ourselves of the same stench (but, of course, before we hung the jackets in there), as if to say, "It's okay. Go." I lay awake for hours, as has seemed to become my habit of late, listening to the sounds of the apartment and its environs. The cats in the living room and kitchen. The investigator that lives upstairs (let me tell you, on Saturday night he had quite the marathon sex session with some female, though my critique of his style and rhythm would be downright scathing: you simply can't go balls-all in a woman for five seconds, stop to rest for ten seconds, then go balls-all again for five more seconds - you're simply not going to get anywhere with that kind of sloppy work) living his nocturnal existence. The melting snow and ice dripping off the roof onto the loose gravel outside the bedroom window. The random car passing by on the bridge near the back of the building, the occasional vehicle pulling into the parking lot. The coyotes "howling" in the distance. A whole world out there, asleep, and waiting for me to explore it.

My mind drifted to the things I could be doing, the places I could be going, the things I could be seeing...

With a slightly discontented smile upon my lips, I drifted off to slumber, joining Anasazi in the ethereal vista of dreams and fantasies.

But I had felt truly alive.


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'Dukes 

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Total Likes: 3 likes


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Re: Alive
< Reply # 1 on 6/11/2006 9:13 PM >
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Posted on Forum: UER Forum
Jesus Christ man, you're turning into frigging Ernest Hemmingway on me!




I got your tour winner right here pussies, at least he'd crash out trying.
UER Forum > Journal Index > Thoughts From The Shadows > Alive (Viewed 2297 times)


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