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 | June 15, 2004
entry by Stewie
6/24/2004 4:28 PM
| Alright I decided to add a post, cause I'm spontaneus like that. Anyway, I've been thinking about my best friend who is in jail. He really digs UE... we did alot of trips, including The Grand Hermine after its untimely demise, Lister Block and Gold's Gym. He is not in jail for UE related reasons either... and no it concerns nothing of abuse or anything else that would make him sound like an asshole. He lied to get a friend out of jail and now he is in there himself. Ok, maybe that does make him sound dis-honest but hes the kind of guy you need to meet... hes really cool.
I hope he gets out soon, he was supposed to get out before the summer started so we could go to OPEX'94 but that fell through. Its the main reason I didn't go, I just didn't want to live in Toronto, by myself, for a couple of days. That, and I didn't have the money or transportation which he would of provided.
Its like 5AM right now and I am *supposed* to go to school tomorrow. I don't go much anymore, I feel like I'm a failure in life. I just sit here, wasting away my hideous excuse for a life. Nothing exciting ever happens because I won't go out and get it. I have no job, I'm getting nowhere in school and I have no opposite sex relations. I just sit here, day after day... waiting until my own un-timely demise. I like that phrase. The reason I enjoy UEing is because it makes me think I'm actually accomplishing something, am I? Probably not. I have a total of 8 high school credits after 3 years of high school. I'm destined to be there until I'm 65... maybe they'll give me a pension. My problem is that I can't seem to focus on school, it just seems like theres so much more in life to do. When I wake up in the morning, all I can think about is sitting at my computer, relaxing with a cold pepsi and talking with the various people I talk to online. What a fucking life. I'm sure many of you have had better experiences.
Yah I know, I have to get school done. I fucking know. Its like trying to tell a mentally challenged kid to "be normal". I can't fucking do it. When I'm at school, my focus drifts away onto other things like "I can't wait to get home and use the computer" or "I can't wait to do some UE this week" or "I can't wait to leave this fucking place". No matter how hard I try, within two months from the start of the year, I will lose interest. Nothing is keeping me focussed. I've tried dropping out and going back... that hasn't worked. It got me pepped up and focussed for awhile but once again, other things took precedence. Now, why am I complaining about my personal issues to random people on the internet? Cause nobody else will listen or understand. My mom will tell me to fuck off and go to school, my dad is just un-talkable and I have no other relatives at reach. I fucking rock. I'm like a psycho or something, I don't even know. Ok now I'm tired, I think I'm going to sleep, then decide what to do with the next 24 hours of my life... I'm sure it will be another decision that I regret.
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