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Dee Ashley
Location: DFW, Texas Gender: Female Total Likes: 1378 likes
Write something and wait expectantly.
| | | | Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy < Reply # 23 on 6/17/2017 12:04 AM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Almost every in-person experience I've had with other explorers, whether they were from UER or elsewhere, has been positive. I have maintained a very active and ongoing friendship with many of the people I've met from here and locally. In fact, there is a group of us that communicate very regularly and explore together often. It is a small group of us, and I trust all of them. Ironically, the only negative experience I (almost) had was with someone that was a seasoned explorer. In fact, he had been plugged into this community longer than I had even known of its existence. He took great photos, was FM, knew a lot of other members all over the globe. He messaged me one day suggesting we explore a very enticing location just outside of the city he lived in. After doing some checking, I agreed to meet him. I was a little hesitant since he lived in another state and I would be meeting him in his familiar territory, not mine, and I would be alone. Long story short, there were some subtle and perhaps not-so-subtle red flags (a lot of them are outside the scope of this post, but there was more than just one potential issue with this person) coming up for me that I normally would have immediately backed out because of, but I pushed my concerns aside at first because of his long-term and good standing in this community. After some internal dialogue and even seeking the advise of a couple admins that might have some insight, I agreed to meet with him and one other person on a different trip that would be in a town that neither one of us lived in. However, that one other person suddenly couldn't make it and those red flags became more concerning to me. The day before our meet-up, he basically made it clear that he was interested in exploring more than a middle-of-nowhere abandoned power plant, making my next decision an easy one. I told him I would not meet, was not interested, and that his behavior/comments were not acceptable. I didn't trust this person and I still don't. I resisted making this decision at first because I didn't want to throw away an opportunity based on a potential misunderstanding. Maybe I did just that, but my instincts tell me that I would have regretted making that particular rendezvous. Besides, instincts and opinions aside, the comments were out of line and inappropriate without any doubt. The thing that bothers me the most out of that whole experience is that I tried so hard to create a good idea out of a bad one. I think it's rare that something like that would come up with someone already established and trusted by others in this community of like-minded people, but it's still possible. Always be aware and don't ignore warning signs. Most of us are not here to cause anyone harm, but we all have our own moral code, ethics, and comfort levels to deal with and no one's is identical to another. Hopefully however, they are similar. I believe that being bound together by a common interest makes it much easier to form strong ties with other members in person when the time comes. On the flip side, there are also some members here that I already trust that I have not even met in person yet!
| I wandered till the stars went dim. |
| vivid
Total Likes: 53 likes
high roller roller coaster
| | | Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy < Reply # 26 on 6/18/2017 1:31 AM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Posted by Deuterium
You should stop thinking like brain dead #teampr dopeheads
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"Hahaha" The day before our meet-up, he basically made it clear that he was interested in exploring more than a middle-of-nowhere abandoned power plant, making my next decision an easy one. I told him I would not meet, was not interested, and that his behavior/comments were not acceptable. I didn't trust this person and I still don't. I resisted making this decision at first because I didn't want to throw away an opportunity based on a potential misunderstanding. Maybe I did just that, but my instincts tell me that I would have regretted making that particular rendezvous. Besides, instincts and opinions aside, the comments were out of line and inappropriate without any doubt. The thing that bothers me the most out of that whole experience is that I tried so hard to create a good idea out of a bad one. I think it's rare that something like that would come up with someone already established and trusted by others in this community of like-minded people, but it's still possible. |
Please share more? What set you off? Were you worried about getting mugged, vandalism, or just that he was a bit psycho and detached from reality?
[last edit 6/18/2017 1:37 AM by vivid - edited 1 times]
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| Dee Ashley
Location: DFW, Texas Gender: Female Total Likes: 1378 likes
Write something and wait expectantly.
| | | | Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy < Reply # 32 on 6/18/2017 12:11 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Posted by Steed
Took me a minute too to decode what "he basically made it clear that he was interested in exploring more than a middle-of-nowhere abandoned power plant" meant. Seems like a very shitty thing to try to combine sex and urban exploring.
| Agreed! Especially when you've never even met the person and have messaged back and forth for all of a couple days! Posted by vivid ... Please share more? What set you off? Were you worried about getting mugged, vandalism, or just that he was a bit psycho and detached from reality?
| Vivid, the first sentence in the paragraph you quoted pretty much sums up the problem. That was just my thinly veiled attempt at saying something in a more tactful manner than it was initially expressed to me. To be blunt, he indicated that sharing a bed and a motel room would be more "fun and economical." I'm paraphrasing, but the bed comment overt and clearly stated. He tried to backpedal when I became offended and said he was "just joking." That was when I hesitated, but his inappropriate behavior never completely went away until he became angry with me for ruining a trip he had planned that had nothing to do with me. This tells me he is probably an unstable nut job. I severed contact immediately at that point and never looked back (until now, I guess). Oh yeah, I completely forgot until this morning that he had discussed two of his face-to-face UER meet-ups. Neither of them went well, and he said one of the explorers he met up with he pressed charges against and she has an active warrant out on her but she doesn't know it. He claimed that she stole money out of his wallet. The other guy evidently didn't pay his part in gas on a road trip and he's still pretty pissed about that as well. This and quite a few other things has instilled in him some pretty serious resentment about UER and the people on here. This happened almost a year ago, so I don't remember all the details (and I don't feel like rereading all those weird texts this early in the morning!). Hopefully, I've expressed myself adequately enough so that when I say something about him just was not right, you can start to see why... Damn, rereading some of those old texts reminded me how not right he really was. (Dear god, what was I thinking?)
| I wandered till the stars went dim. |
| xNat
Location: Toronto Gender: Female Total Likes: 40 likes
With Night, Freedom
| | | Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy < Reply # 34 on 6/27/2017 5:30 AM > | Reply with Quote
| | | I usually try to do the standard stranger danger stuff--let someone know where you're going/when you'll return, bring a friend, meet in a public location, etc. Especially as a small, easy-to-kidnap girl, I always find it brings me peace of mind to go to meetups and such with a friend or two, though thankfully all the people that I've met to this point have been friendly and not questionable at all, at least from my interactions with them so far. It also helps to go to a location relatively popular/low-risk when exploring with them for the first time, it lets you sort of gauge how they explore, their ethical code, etc. before going into more questionable exploring locations. Usually most of the people I meet from the hobby are friends of a friend, or has some sort of mutual friend along the line somewhere, I'm much more inclined to trust them if we share a friend or acquaintance, helps me know they're not super shady at the very least.
| "That sounds like a horrible idea! Let's do it!" |
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