Infiltration

Yehoshua location: Ontario Gender: Male \|	How to Appear Drunk < on 4/16/2005 9:21 AM >

	Probably not a problem for a great many of you, but I was surprised at how poor a job of appearing drunk several of my friends performed a little while ago...so perhaps a quick message is in order. First note, generally not a great idea to appear drunk...people tend to notice a drunk guy staggering past them on the sidewalk, and notice usually isn't wanted. Once you've been caught however, it's a lot easier to convince Security Guards why you appeared to be climbing that fence, if you're able to look like a harmless drunk on his way home from the bars at 2am -Shuffle, shift your weight between your feet every few seconds. Don't be overly obvious about it of course, but even just subconsciously it helps support the idea that this guy they've caught is probably just drunk and acting stupid on a construction site, not looking to steal dynamite. -Don't make a rational argument for your presence...why would a drunk guy simultaneously be claiming he was just taking photos for an architecture project? If you were caught with a camera, think of what the dumbest possible reason you'd be caught taking photos of an abandoned building are. "Hehe, see when I get home I was going to take some photos of my girlfriend wink wink (If you know what I mean) and photoshop them with these pictures so it looked like she was standing here flashing me." When Security gives you a dubious look like "No sober guy would possibly think that was a good excuse..." you finish your story with something like "Honestly man, fuck if I had pictures I'd show you, she's got these hugeass tits and she does this thing where...." or a quick "I'm an effing genius with computers, some of my friends, they call me a hacker, but I'm not really I just know how to change pictures and find illegal mp3s and stuff, in the online world you know, they call that leet". You're babbling, but you're not babbling coherently fishing for an excuse (In their mind), you're just babbling because you're drunk and don't realise that Security really doesn't want to hear how your girlfriend does "this thing" with her breasts -Bringing up the fact you're drunk can be a good idea, can be a bad idea. Definitely don't open your story with "Man, I'm drunk out of my mind right now...", it just makes them question your every move from now on. But nearing the end of the argument, a violent eruption along the lines of "Hah, scrawny kid like you couldn't hold your beers could ya? Hah, ask me how many i had tonight, no honestly ask me, seven, I had seven beers despite what Ronny said.", if you're going for the "batshit loco homeless drunk", continue the babbling, add on a "You know why I drink? Because my wife left me loud laugh haha, she said I'd be sorry but I've never been happier, dumb broad, now I'm a ladie's man, Kristin divorcing me was the best thing to ever happen to me!" -Yawn once, but don't overdo it, you're not impersonating Bedtime Bear. Alcohol makes you tired, again the officer isn't likely to say "He yawned, let's tell him to just go on home", but again it supports the idea in his mind that "Yeah, the guy definitely appeared drunk, don't know why specifically, just got that feel" -Be selectively drunk...saying dumb things is a trademark of being drunk...but sometimes they're dumb for a reason. Going into some longwinded story with the officer about how you tried to buy these damn flowers for a girl you met...makes you sound like a harmless drunk. Making a drunken boast about sleeping with the Officer's mother last night...makes you sound like a drunk he wouldn't mind seeing spend the night in a cell -I know drunks in the movies look like buffoons, but if you're walking away and do some dramatic fake-stumble that just looks like you're hamming it up. Chances are they already saw you for a split-second before they yelled stop...you didn't appear drunk to them when climbing over the fence, so they're already naturally suspicious you might be faking, don't make it obvious by doing a cheesy stumble. -Practise slurring your speech sometime till you can do it effectively. If you haven't practised before, you're probably really choppy and noticeable about your deliberate attempt to appear intoxicated...and they're not going to look as lightly on somebody they think is "insulting their intelligence" by pretending to be drunk...so if you're bad at it, don't even try; just mumble if you have to. -On that topic, when walking to make sure you're not walking away completely ordinarily either, just try to step with your swinging leg coming down directly in front of the standing leg, your body will naturally correct the weight shift and there'll be a noticable gait...but you won't look like you're faking something, a bit more subtle than "accidently" walking into a wall or a series of garbage cans -A night security guard is probably the only guy on the site...that means he probably doesn't want to deal with your bodily bile all over the floor. If you're drunk, he knows there's a good chance you'll vomit...you can help tip the balance towards "send this drunken shit home before he makes a mess here" if you can act like you just had that thing where vomit crept up your throat and you had to swallow it to avoid spewing it. This can even be tagged on the end of that yawn discussed earlier, with your mouth at its widest, all of a sudden your eyes widen and you quickly shut your mouth and swallow (phlegm). Again, you don't have to mention it, just let his mind put two and two together...you're likely to start vomiting...you're standing inside his small security station...he's the only one on shift for another 6 hours... -If they try to bluff you out with "calling the cops and charging you with appearing drunk in a public place", don't break a sweat; get upset, you can act like your drunken self thought this guy was your buddy "Dammit, you were being so nice listening to me talk about Rhonda, now you gotta call the FBI on a guy just effing trying to get home, screw that shit...sheesh...can't trust anybody, that's what my brother always used to tell me, he was a smart kid" or you can stupidly bargain with the cop "Oh come on man, you don't have to do that, call the cops, why don't you let me go home and watch Roseanne, then tomorrow I'll take you out for a beer, how does that sound, eh?. Obviously he's not going to agree with those terms, but it supports the ideas of; -He's not faking, he didn't drop the act -Am I being a real douche phoning police over some random drunken loser walking home? -Do not shift your defence just because you thought of a legitimate excuse for being here, your Newspaper Press badge designating you as a local photographer...once you've commited to a story stick with it. Otherwise you just appear to be clutching at straws, if you didn't mention/act this when first stopped, chances are that's because it's a bull story...just don't bring it up, keep up with the drunk act. [last edit 4/16/2005 9:27 AM by Yehoshua - edited 1 times] Our Citizen. Our Justice. Bring Omar Khadr back to Canada.

Kakesu location: England. Fun! Gender: Male printf("shiver in eternal darkness/n"); \| \|	Re: How to Appear Drunk <Reply # 1 on 4/16/2005 2:24 PM >

	I don't think I have the balls to pull that off (I'm a runner, not an thespian), but that's some well thought out stuff. Something I heard from an actor once is that if you have to act drunk, it's best to try and act like you desperately want to appear sober. Slow, deliberate movements, think about everything you say for too long, maybe pop a breath mint when you realise you're spotted, that kind of thing. Oh, and be careful not to appear to be someone on something a little stronger than alcohol. That's a great way to make a security guard hate you.

SaraBellum Berkshire Hunt location: Villa Villekulla Gender: Female Coming to a cinema near you this summer. \| \|	Re: How to Appear Drunk <Reply # 2 on 4/16/2005 7:28 PM >

	That was pure genius! Bravo, Sir! [01:47:56] <GreyDeath> Sara just stares her enemies into submission and eventually madness "You can either be wise or a bad-ass gangsta, but not both. You must choose your path." ~~metawaffle

TheRev location: Ohio Gender: Male We go in like professionals, like Charles Bronson... \| \|	Re: How to Appear Drunk <Reply # 3 on 4/16/2005 8:41 PM >

	How to appear drunk: 1) Do a shot of vodka 2) Repeat 3) Return to step one

Louie \| \|	Re: How to Appear Drunk <Reply # 4 on 4/17/2005 11:54 PM >

	Perhaps half way through, make an attempt to hide your flask, a flask of credibility prop nature.

Slickis Noble Donor location: Kokomo, Indiana Gender: Male Rest In Piece Booger 4-6-08 \|	Re: How to Appear Drunk <Reply # 5 on 4/18/2005 4:27 AM >

	How about keepin a little burbon with you to splash on youself for a realistic smell? I've been feeling funny since I went in that open crypt. Not sure what it is.

OttoL location: Pacific Northwest Gender: Male Renob \|	Re: How to Appear Drunk <Reply # 6 on 4/18/2005 8:12 AM >

	The best way to appear drunk, is to , well, be Drunk!! Works well for me. The drunk smell comes out of your lungs, so splashing some booze on your self does not do the trick. Cops know this wery well, and look for the actual smell of expiring alcohol emitting from the lungs. Is is a specific smell. Once you know it, you know it. Now if you have had as much as half a drink, you cannot smell this. Only a fully sober person can smell it. Well, That is as far as the cops are concerned. If they do not smell this smell, they are gonna look for other signs of intoxication, Like Glue, paint sniffer, pills, illegal drugs etc. Really, you dont want a drug conviction along with a trespassing charge as well. Really, wanna act drunk, be drunk.

Yehoshua location: Ontario Gender: Male \|	Re: How to Appear Drunk <Reply # 7 on 4/18/2005 1:02 PM >

	Climbing to the eighth level of a construction site while drunk is not really a good idea... Our Citizen. Our Justice. Bring Omar Khadr back to Canada.

ColdWater location: boston Gender: Male \| \|	Re: How to Appear Drunk <Reply # 8 on 4/18/2005 3:30 PM >

	Pretending to be drunk when your 15 is not a good idea. THis is clever, and if you can pull it off, all the more power. If it doesnt work, it would probably be pretty easy to catch them off guard and bolt.

blaspheme8 location: Florida Gender: Female \| \| \|	Re: How to Appear Drunk <Reply # 9 on 4/19/2005 7:14 PM >

	Aha! Pretty nice advice, especially for someone who swears against spirits :p I agree with so-and-so up there, though. I'm not a thespian, so I'd rather just tell the truth and be on my way.

OttoL

location:
Pacific Northwest
Gender: Male

Renob

Re: How to Appear Drunk
<Reply # 10 on 4/20/2005 2:46 AM >

Posted by Yehoshua
Climbing to the eighth level of a construction site while drunk is not really a good idea...

Why not? I am a Construction worker myself, and I have known lots of fellow employees that come to work in the morning still drunk from the night before. Or even drinking a few beers over lunch if we go to a resturant (like on fridays etc.) these guys are "connectors", as in Ironworkers building high rises... I am just a tinknocker, and dont have as many risks... I tooo have come to work still drunk from the night before...Never taken a fall. I guess it all depends on how well you handle you "drunk", some suck at it and some others are good at it.

If you feel that you are taking a risk by being drunk, then dont do it, by all means.

Abe Bandon location: Mid-essa, Texas Gender: Male \|	Re: How to Appear Drunk <Reply # 11 on 4/21/2005 11:56 PM >

	What sort of reason would you have to "appear drunk"? Do you think it can get you out of trouble some how? What kind of advantage can it give someone on UE?

Yehoshua location: Ontario Gender: Male \|	Re: How to Appear Drunk <Reply # 12 on 4/22/2005 12:30 AM >

	Read the first post in the thread Once you've been caught however, it's a lot easier to convince Security Guards why you appeared to be climbing that fence, if you're able to look like a harmless drunk on his way home from the bars at 2am If you're drunk, he knows there's a good chance you'll vomit...you can help tip the balance towards "send this drunken shit home before he makes a mess here" you're likely to start vomiting...you're standing inside his small security station...he's the only one on shift for another 6 hours... -Am I being a real douche phoning police over some random drunken loser walking home? Our Citizen. Our Justice. Bring Omar Khadr back to Canada.

Abe Bandon location: Mid-essa, Texas Gender: Male \|	Re: How to Appear Drunk <Reply # 13 on 4/22/2005 6:25 PM >

	I just wonder how likely it is that a rent-a-cop that catches you climbing a fence will believe that a drunk was climbing the fence... maybe if you looked homeless as well as drunk. I guess you could pull the "I just thought I could take a leak behind the building" excuse. If this works though it speaks for the intelligence of the rent-a-cop and their level of concern for actual security.

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