(totally not looking for sympathy - i just have to get all of this out before i burst)


okay, this isn't about something we all can share in common - but a completely, insane rant. heeeere we go:

i got pregnant last summer and went thru hell and back. i found out i have a clotting disorder and in combination with an ovarian disease i have - had to give myself daily injections, visit doctors twice a week and was hospitalized three times during the pregnancy for severe illnesses. not to mention, i was so sick, i lost over 50lbs during the pregnancy (not to mention the 20 additional lbs i lost after having the baby).

i thought, okay, if i can just get thru this, i'll be fine.

i had to be induced nearly a month early, never progressed - and had a baby via c-section....

the baby was born very ill, we almost lost her...3 weeks in the hospital for her - thank god, she's finally home, not too many medical problems as a result - but still, EXREMELY trying and difficult as a new mom to be faced with the possiblity of losing your daughter, not being able to hold her or nurse her, etc.

then i started to go see my OBGYN for the c-section. there was a GIANT lump the size of an orange under the incision, he said it was just fluid, it would dissolve back into the skin....completely normal he tells me. the pain was intense, sharp, unbearable. i see him again - he accuses me of being a "drug seeker." i give up and just decide to face the fact that i will have to live with this until it goes away....

well guess what?

it doesnt go away. rushed to ER two MONTHS post-partum to have emergency surgery. hospitalized for a week, taken from my baby again AND i had to wear what's called a wound vac on my stomach for an additional three weeks.

well, today i find out i have to have surgery again for an unrelated problem (my shitty back) - after exhausting all efforts to avoid surgery in the first place.

i just don't know how much more of this i can take. i'm seriously going crazy and between my own problems and (as many of you know) my brother's fight with a cancer that no one has survived - i don't even want to wake up in the morning.

i just don't know why this is all happening to me. i really do believe things happen for a reason, i just don't know wtf that reason is yet.

thanks for listening.

The reason is to make you strong. You are being educated in patience, strength, character, and stamina. There will be struggles throughout your life and due to going through the hardships, heartache, and general hell now, you will be able to face any adversities head-on and overcome them. I have often sat and asked myself and God, "why me?" when I have gone through incredible battles. Now my entire family relies upon me to be the one who can deal with anything. It is not easy and things still hurt and are difficult, but I look at it now as I am meant to bear these things. Each struggle has made me stronger and able to deal with the next. Even if doesn't feel like it at the time.

Hang in there and I wish you and your family health and happiness.

~~hugs~~

wow. thanks.

like i said, the only thing getting me thru it is knowing that there IS a reason.

i think god gives some people such adversity, because he knows they can face it.

thank you again for responding. :o)

i don't believe in god.

i believe in a persons' self-reliance and strength.
God, or whatever, doesn't get you through adversity... YOU do.

you come out the other side, stronger and better off for the experience, no matter how terrible and traumatic.
Along the way, if you are lucky enough to have strong and reliable friends and family, that's all the better because they are strength you can lean on and use.

I sincerely believe that 100%.

Posted by Opheliaism The reason is to make you strong. You are being educated in patience, strength, character, and stamina. There will be struggles throughout your life and due to going through the hardships, heartache, and general hell now, you will be able to face any adversities head-on and overcome them. I have often sat and asked myself and God, "why me?" when I have gone through incredible battles. Now my entire family relies upon me to be the one who can deal with anything. It is not easy and things still hurt and are difficult, but I look at it now as I am meant to bear these things. Each struggle has made me stronger and able to deal with the next. Even if doesn't feel like it at the time. Hang in there and I wish you and your family health and happiness. ~~hugs~~

I wanted to respond when I read your post, but I know I can't say it any better than Opheliasim. Perfectly said.

I too, have been through things that I never thought I'd be able to get through. But they do indeed make you stronger, and luckily they are usually "temporary" problems, no matter how big they seem at the time.

Hopefully its just a small bump in what will be the rest of your life. Your baby will grow and be healthy, and you will heal and enjoy raising your child.

BTW, my thoughts are still with your brother. I hope he's doing well.

((hug))

thanks so much guys....just to show that i'm not a complete basket-case, i tend to make the best out of all my hospital stays:




while my sister (a nurse) and husband make me laugh even while hooked up to an IV at home for two weeks:

Posted by Samurai i don't believe in god. i believe in a persons' self-reliance and strength. God, or whatever, doesn't get you through adversity... YOU do.

Very wise words.

Posted by earthworm Very wise words.

he's right (well, i still believe in god...) but what my brother has fought thru with his cancer was done by him and only him

Posted by DiVaMoNKeY he's right (well, i still believe in god...) but what my brother has fought thru with his cancer was done by him and only him

I was actually going to say something along those same lines, but didn't want to start a debate.

I just refuse to use the G word. ALL the gods are interchangeable, and they aren't anything but fingers pointing at a greater concept. Something can be said for mentalism.

Posted by DiVaMoNKeY thanks so much guys....just to show that i'm not a complete basket-case, i tend to make the best out of all my hospital stays: http://i274.photob...diesBAPTISM014.jpg while my sister (a nurse) and husband make me laugh even while hooked up to an IV at home for two weeks: http://i274.photob...ant/OCT2007002.jpg

Glad to hear you have support from family as well as friends.
It's easy to have faith when all's going well. When the shit hits the fan, that's when the real test begins. You've proven your strength and you appear to have a very good support network.

Get well soon. Hang in there and keep on laughing. In many cases, laughter is the best medicine.