http://www.youtube...atch?v=ALVUus22NVc

http://www.youtube...hurchofScientology

Posted by Greg http://www.youtube...atch?v=ALVUus22NVc http://www.youtube...hurchofScientology

Pretty classic. They obviously forgot to mention the fact that the work that LRH was doing was incomplete, and that the majority was wrong.

1) Tom Cruise: DEFINITELY NOT GAY.





2) Tom Cruise: massively endowed (for a midget)

German World War II colonel Stauffenberg (left) and actor Tom Cruise (right).



1.


2.


3.


4.

??????

What are you getting at?

Posted by dirt ?????? What are you getting at?

Cruise makes for a hot Nazi.

Posted by KublaKhan Cruise makes for a hot Nazi.

Not quite:

http://en.wikipedi...s_von_Stauffenberg

Whatever.

Tom Cruise: DEFINITELY NOT GAY.

Posted by KublaKhan Whatever.

Sorry, did I ruin your Scientologist/SS/rape fantasy?

Posted by dirt Sorry, did I ruin your Scientologist/SS/rape fantasy?

Almost.

Posted by KublaKhan Almost.

Just think of large stainless steel operating tables, somewhere in the basement of the Celebrity Center. With good old Cruise in a head to toe SS uniform, playing with medical instruments.

Posted by dirt Just think of large stainless steel operating tables, somewhere in the basement of the Celebrity Center. With good old Cruise in a head to toe SS uniform, playing with medical instruments.

Squeeze me with your eyes, you big silly.

Tom "thumb" Cruise is a hyperactive, American, sugar-addicted actor, beard collector, religious extremist, latent - though repressed - heterosexual, defective Hello Kitty vibrator Oompa Loompah, heterosexual rights activist and is the first human being to accomplish the act of fitting not just his head, but his entire body, up his own ass. He will not come out of the closet. He is an avid follower of Murder Incorporated, trailing behind all the other freaks who are running away from him. He still wont come out of the closet. His cell phone is rumored to be 818-426-1482. Many scientist believe he is a member of the, long thought to be extinct, species Couchus-Jumpus Retardus, more commonly known as the Tom-Rex which, contrary to popular belief, wont come out of the closet. His first screen appearance was in 1983's Return of the Jedi as the beloved Ewok, Wicket who has still not come out of the closet. This role propelled him into a long and illustrious film career during which he amassed a fortune by playing vacuous and arrogant heterosexual pretty-boys with limited emotional range. He plays some of this role well in his off-screen life, having been an outspoken representative for everything from the mental health profession, to felching, lawsuits, closet-hider's rights activism and soul-stealing aliens. Proving himself to be semi-competent at several activities (such as adult diaper wearing and staying in the closet), he also qualified for a spot on the Men's Couch-jumping Team to represent America in the 2004 Olympic Games, but unfortunately had to decline due to an unexplained anal injury originally brought about by a misleading link. However, he still remains a keen exponent of this ancient sport and has exhibited his cushiony prowess whilst hopping around the Global Publicity Circuit. Educated by the great Elrond Hubbard himself, Cruise enjoys higher brain fluctuations than normal people. This causes him to say things without thinking, a byproduct of his ADHD, OCD and over-masturbation to pictures of the Chippendale's. His lack of education causes Cruise to do stupid entertaining things, like attacking Oprah, and believing in Scientology.

August 12, 2006. LOS ANGELES. While out for a "leisurely Sunday drive," as they called it, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes witnessed a horrible accident on a Los Angeles freeway Saturday. Thinking as quickly as they could, the couple pulled onto the shoulder and backed up for fourteen miles to reach the accident scene. Without regard for his own safety, Cruise climbed into the smoldering wreckage, desperate to reach the victims and convert them to Scientology before help arrived. One of the victims, Stephen Brown, who wishes to remain anonymous, but whose wishes were not granted, said "My wife and I got out of the car, and then we heard someone talking in some kind of weird language. That's when we found Mr. Cruise in our trunk talking to our spare tire. We managed to pull him to safety, though I can't remember why." A CHP spokesman said it was not yet known which one of the Hollywood couple was driving as Holmes is not yet old enough to drive, and Cruise cannot reach the pedals.

August 23, 2006. LOS ANGELES. Paramount Pictures and parent company, Viacom Inc., announced Wednesday that they were cutting ties with former golden boy, Tom Cruise, and his production company, Cruise/Wagner Productions. Viacom Chairman Sumner Redstone explained to reporters the decision to evict Cruise arose out of a simple conflict of interest. "Simply put, Viacom has a strict policy which prohibits us from doing business with complete fuck-wads... hence the conflict." Redstone cited Cruise's public behavior as the main reason for their decision, but added, "we really never liked him, anyway." Paula Wagner, Cruise's partner, told the press, "Mr. Redstone is using his personal bias against fuck-wads as an excuse to get rid of us." Reporters were unable to reach Cruise for comment, but his family reports he has gone into a severe depression, popping Flintstones vitamins non-stop for two days and refusing to get out of bed.

November 2, 2006. LOS ANGELES. In what could be stupidest decision in Hollywood history, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer announced that actor/Scientologist/heterosexual Tom Cruise and his long-time production partner Paula Wagner will run United Artists. Cruise plans to rename the studio United Scientologists, and will make films intended to convert people to Scientology. "Being dumped by Paramount was the best thing that ever happened me", Cruise said.

Chuck Norris invented all the colors of the rainbow, except pink; Tom Cruise invented pink.

Posted by Greg Tom "thumb" Cruise is a hyperactive, American, sugar-addicted actor, beard collector, religious extremist, latent - though repressed - heterosexual, defective Hello Kitty vibrator Oompa Loompah, heterosexual rights activist and is the first human being to accomplish the act of fitting not just his head, but his entire body, up his own ass. He will not come out of the closet. He is an avid follower of Murder Incorporated, trailing behind all the other freaks who are running away from him. He still wont come out of the closet. His cell phone is rumored to be 818-426-1482. Many scientist believe he is a member of the, long thought to be extinct, species Couchus-Jumpus Retardus, more commonly known as the Tom-Rex which, contrary to popular belief, wont come out of the closet. His first screen appearance was in 1983's Return of the Jedi as the beloved Ewok, Wicket who has still not come out of the closet. This role propelled him into a long and illustrious film career during which he amassed a fortune by playing vacuous and arrogant heterosexual pretty-boys with limited emotional range. He plays some of this role well in his off-screen life, having been an outspoken representative for everything from the mental health profession, to felching, lawsuits, closet-hider's rights activism and soul-stealing aliens. Proving himself to be semi-competent at several activities (such as adult diaper wearing and staying in the closet), he also qualified for a spot on the Men's Couch-jumping Team to represent America in the 2004 Olympic Games, but unfortunately had to decline due to an unexplained anal injury originally brought about by a misleading link. However, he still remains a keen exponent of this ancient sport and has exhibited his cushiony prowess whilst hopping around the Global Publicity Circuit. Educated by the great Elrond Hubbard himself, Cruise enjoys higher brain fluctuations than normal people. This causes him to say things without thinking, a byproduct of his ADHD, OCD and over-masturbation to pictures of the Chippendale's. His lack of education causes Cruise to do stupid entertaining things, like attacking Oprah, and believing in Scientology. August 12, 2006. LOS ANGELES. While out for a "leisurely Sunday drive," as they called it, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes witnessed a horrible accident on a Los Angeles freeway Saturday. Thinking as quickly as they could, the couple pulled onto the shoulder and backed up for fourteen miles to reach the accident scene. Without regard for his own safety, Cruise climbed into the smoldering wreckage, desperate to reach the victims and convert them to Scientology before help arrived. One of the victims, Stephen Brown, who wishes to remain anonymous, but whose wishes were not granted, said "My wife and I got out of the car, and then we heard someone talking in some kind of weird language. That's when we found Mr. Cruise in our trunk talking to our spare tire. We managed to pull him to safety, though I can't remember why." A CHP spokesman said it was not yet known which one of the Hollywood couple was driving as Holmes is not yet old enough to drive, and Cruise cannot reach the pedals. August 23, 2006. LOS ANGELES. Paramount Pictures and parent company, Viacom Inc., announced Wednesday that they were cutting ties with former golden boy, Tom Cruise, and his production company, Cruise/Wagner Productions. Viacom Chairman Sumner Redstone explained to reporters the decision to evict Cruise arose out of a simple conflict of interest. "Simply put, Viacom has a strict policy which prohibits us from doing business with complete fuck-wads... hence the conflict." Redstone cited Cruise's public behavior as the main reason for their decision, but added, "we really never liked him, anyway." Paula Wagner, Cruise's partner, told the press, "Mr. Redstone is using his personal bias against fuck-wads as an excuse to get rid of us." Reporters were unable to reach Cruise for comment, but his family reports he has gone into a severe depression, popping Flintstones vitamins non-stop for two days and refusing to get out of bed. November 2, 2006. LOS ANGELES. In what could be stupidest decision in Hollywood history, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer announced that actor/Scientologist/heterosexual Tom Cruise and his long-time production partner Paula Wagner will run United Artists. Cruise plans to rename the studio United Scientologists, and will make films intended to convert people to Scientology. "Being dumped by Paramount was the best thing that ever happened me", Cruise said. Chuck Norris invented all the colors of the rainbow, except pink; Tom Cruise invented pink.

I called and left a message saying I was Richard Gere, and that I want my hamster back PRONTO, or I'm gong on Larry King and telling everybody EVERYTHING.

Tom returned my call within 15 seconds, and threatened to sue me.

Serious...this really happened.

Lolz.

Loch Ness, of course: