Posted by Father Maurice Lester Very true. I used to tell them I was Jewish and to respect my faith and kindly leave me alone. That only caused them to come around weekly to convert me. I finally discovered that telling them to, "F&#k off, I'm off to donate blood, donate a portion of my liver to a Satanist, and I'm going to sick the dog on you" put me on their list of houses to avoid. They now visit every house on the street except mine. They always tell my neighbour (spelled correctly, Irish) that she will burn in hell for following the Catholic church. What ever happened to,"Judge ye not lest you be judged?" Nothing more than a cult like the breakaway sects of the LDS.

Or you could just whip out yer cock and piss on their leg.

Posted by KublaKhan Or you could just whip out yer cock and piss on their leg.

I'd love to except that as a member of a professional college under the Health Disciplines Act, I would loose my certification to practice.

Posted by Father Maurice Lester I'd love to except that as a member of a professional college under the Health Disciplines Act, I would loose my certification to practice.

I could offer my cock and piss. And I'm certifiably certifiable already.

Posted by Father Maurice Lester Very true. I used to tell them I was Jewish and to respect my faith and kindly leave me alone. That only caused them to come around weekly to convert me. I finally discovered that telling them to, "F&#k off, I'm off to donate blood, donate a portion of my liver to a Satanist, and I'm going to sick the dog on you" put me on their list of houses to avoid. They now visit every house on the street except mine. They always tell my neighbour (spelled correctly, Irish) that she will burn in hell for following the Catholic church. What ever happened to,"Judge ye not lest you be judged?" Nothing more than a cult like the breakaway sects of the LDS.

They follow the parts of the Bible that suits their purpose, and reject the rest. It's all a power play to me. Take a look at the history of the church, and how they seem to convert thousands to their beliefs, just like the Catholic church did during the colonizing days of Spain, France, and Italy. Now the British had a system all their own, it's called the Anglican Church. They replaced God with the King as head of this Church. Those in power saw this as an opportunity to seize power for themselves, so whenever they moved ito a new territory, they immediately banned the local religion, saying that it's of the devil, and substituted their religion. It's like you said, they're nothing more than a cult.

Posted by KublaKhan I could offer my cock and piss. And I'm certifiably certifiable already.

Done. One plane ticket from Vancouver to T.O. coming your way. They hit the neighbourhood yesterday. They were walking by the house just as I slammed the car door on my finger and let forth a flurry of expletives that would have made Satan himself blush. The look on their faces was priceless. I've never seen people in suits run faster.

Posted by Father Maurice Lester Done. One plane ticket from Vancouver to T.O. coming your way. They hit the neighbourhood yesterday. They were walking by the house just as I slammed the car door on my finger and let forth a flurry of expletives that would have made Satan himself blush. The look on their faces was priceless. I've never seen people in suits run faster.

That's the spirit. I thought I felt the warm flush of un-Holy profanity against my flesh. It felt yummy.

Keep at it. Learn how to curse in a foreign language (the 'speaking in tongues' thing), and use your hands for emphasis. Lots of hand-flapping etc. etc.

As for your offer of a plane ticket from Vancouver to Toronto...I'm kinda Toronto now, and it is all by itself a bit of hell. Honestly, how do you people live like this? This city is a fucking shithole. Seriously. Even Satan has standards...and Toronto is totally OUT OF THE QUESTION.

KublaKhan flies in Executive class with all real Satanists (business executives, doncha know), where the booze flows freely (and for free), the food is better (marginally) and the seats accomodate the fat asses of the business world.

Posted by Turbotrainz How about Jehovah Witnesses, to I would say that they are intolerate of other religions as they try to impose their doctrins and try to convert everyone.

The Jehovah's Witnesses avoid my house. Every time they come here, they find out that I know the Bible better than they do. That usually shuts 'em up real fast.

Of course, there was that one time when I had jaundice. I can't decide if that guy thought I had a horrible contagious disease, or thought I was possessed. In any case, he ran away when I came to the door. They have never come back again.

Posted by Watcher The Jehovah's Witnesses avoid my house. Every time they come here, they find out that I know the Bible better than they do. That usually shuts 'em up real fast. Of course, there was that one time when I had jaundice. I can't decide if that guy thought I had a horrible contagious disease, or thought I was possessed. In any case, he ran away when I came to the door. They have never come back again.

I usually hit on them. Offer them in for a nice bubble bath and some astro-glide.

It is funny to me how fascinated many people are with 'secret knowledge' and so called 'ancient wisdom.' The idea that there is an Oz behind the curtains pulling our levers is really a fascinating concept to many. Witness the best selling nature of the Da'vinci Code.

I wish I had the time to write a dissertation about comparative religion here.

Spell 125 of the Book of the Dead, contrary to the Book of Exodus, contains a moral code represented in a form of 'Negative Confession' that the dead person has to recite when he descends to the hall of the Two Truths.

The dead shall recite, truthfully:
"Hail to thee, great God, Lord of the Two Truths. I have come unto thee, my Lord, that thou mayest bring me to see thy beauty. I know thee, I know thy name, I know the names of the 42 Gods who are with thee in this broad hall of the Two Truths . . . Behold, I am come unto thee. I have brought thee truth; I have done away with sin for thee.
I have not sinned against anyone.
I have not mistreated people.
I have not done evil instead of righteousness . . .
I have not reviled the God.
I have not laid violent hands on an orphan.
I have not done what the God abominates . . .
I have not killed;
I have not turned anyone over to a killer.
I have not caused anyone's suffering . . .
I have not copulated (illicitly);
I have not been unchaste.
I have not increased nor diminished the measure,
I have not diminished the palm;
I have not encroached upon the fields.
I have not added to the balance weights;
I have not tempered with the plumb bob of the balance.
I have not taken milk from a child's mouth;
I have not driven small cattle from their herbage . . .
I have not stopped (the flow of) water in its seasons;
I have not built a dam against flowing water.
I have not quenched a fire in its time . . .
I have not kept cattle away from the God's property.
I have not blocked the God at his processions.

And with that I am off to bed.

Posted by Watcher The Jehovah's Witnesses avoid my house. Every time they come here, they find out that I know the Bible better than they do. That usually shuts 'em up real fast. Of course, there was that one time when I had jaundice. I can't decide if that guy thought I had a horrible contagious disease, or thought I was possessed. In any case, he ran away when I came to the door. They have never come back again.

I had a couple come to my apartment door one fine morning. The guy was pounding on the door and I had just gone to bed (working night shift).

I had no shirt on, hair was long and in a mess and I needed a shave. When I opened the door, the group leader very cheerfully sang out "Good Morning!"

I growled out "F**k off!" and slammed the door in their faces. I looked through the peephole, saw the guy standing there with that "I think I just wet myself" expression, said loudly, "I see you there. When this door opens, there's gonna be a savage beating!" They ran. Never returned.

I don't have a problem with religion, but when a person is trying to ram it down my throat, then it becomes a problem.

No shit, there I was.

Buck nekkid, drunker than hell, and someone was doing the ATF knock on my door at some ungodly hour of the AM (like 11). I climb outta bed, grab jeans and head into the living room, stepping over two passed out people in the hall floor. The party had been a blast, but now I was sure there was about to be some issue...and sure enough there are two guys in suits standing on my porch.

Fuck.

Yard is full of cars, porch is awash in empty beer cans. No way I can tell these cops there wasn't a party last night. But since when do they send detectives out to bust parties? Then they start talking, and they are JWs, or mormons, not really sure. The whole "still drunk" thing. Then one of them stops talking and just stares straight ahead into my house with this aghast look etched on his grill. His buddy doesn't seem to notice till I guess him being silent messed up the banter they had scripted. Then he looks back at his wide eyed buddy, who points into my living room. Now they are both slack jawed and staring. Finally I turn to see what is so fucking interesting in there, and then I see then. Jennifer's massive tits, along with the rest of her, is sprawled out nude on my couch, apparently having decided it was too warm for the blanket she had been napping under. She looks over, smiles, and gives a little wave. I turn back to the twits at the door and announce, after getting their attention, "Look I can keep pretending to care what you are on about, or I can go roll around with her. So please, get the fuck off my land." **SLAM**

They never came back.