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 | Insensitive jokes #9 & #10
entry by longbaugh
12/23/2005 8:30 PM
| Two GI´s meet in a bar. GI A tells the other that he´s soon being shipped off to the Philippines. GI B tells him he´s got to visit the brothel with the Whistling Whore. Apparently she can give you head and whistle at the same time. As soon as he´s able, GI A strolls down to the brothel in question. After a lengthy wait, the Whistling Whore is available and he enters her room. They agree on a price, but the whore has one condition: The lights must be out at all times. The GI agrees, the lights are turned out, and the whore gets busy. Sure enough, while giving the GI the head of his lifetime, the whore merrily whistles "The Star-spangled banner". The GI´s curiosity gets the better of him, he has to find out how the whore is able to pull off this trick! He reaches for the lightswitch, but the whore quickly realises what he´s up to and bolts out the door. Somewhat disappointed, the GI turns on the light and finds on the bedside table...a fake eyeball.
#10
Question: How do you tell the difference between liberals, conservatives,
and southerners?
Answer: Pose the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.
You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
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Liberal Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the
kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and
what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few
days and try to come to a consensus.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Conservative Answer:
BANG!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Southern er's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click....followed by sound of clip ejection and new clip being inserted. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"
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