I spend way too much time scrolling and flipping through pointless crap on the internet. In the end, it makes me feel empty or frustrated - and then disappointed that I wasted a bunch of time that could have been invested in something else.

Step 11: Stop reading reddit and other pointless clickbait on the internet. Do what you LIKE to do on the computer, and start a timer when that's done - 5 minutes tops.

Day One.

I'm at the bottom of my barrel.

I feel horrible, and unlike ever before
--- I can't seem to pull myself out of it.

The despair and hopelessness and fear and anger and sadness.
I keep freaking out over things that don't warrant it.
I keep putting strain on relationships.
I rather just lay in bed and stare out the window.
I rather just not wake up.


So at my monthly prenatal, I took another big step. I told the doctor the truth. She's put me on medication. I'm going to give it a shot.

Medication freaks me out. But. I hate being this way. I hate sabotaging everything. Any little help could help. Any. little. help.

So here's today number one. I took my first dose last night.

I've felt a little nauseous, and a bit spaced out.

The anxiety has lifted some though. Placebo effect?

I want to keep track of the progress.

This thread was meant to detail my Mid-Atlantic adventures. My resume building. My exciting new chapter. But I've been pulled into a pit with a pendulum ticking off days of my life and relationships important to me. I want to crawl out of this pit. And I'm trying to figure out how. Maybe in a few months this thread can get back to what I hoped it would be.

Cheers.