14 days.

disinvested.

11 days.

It's probably never been a better time to leave:

https://www.reuter...bill-idUSKCN1S74GZ

10 days.


Everybody only wants to discuss me
So this must mean I'm disgusting
But it's just me I'm just obscene
- Marshall Mathers III

9 days.

I have more fingers than days left in this bullshit arena.



Hahaha.

7 Days.



I used to smile.

I hope I can find that again.

4 days.

I'm so damn close.

My blood pressure is shooting through the roof. I keep ending up at the clinic with horrible headaches and terrible chills. My stress just won't quit. It literally makes me physically ill to go into that job, to maintain the duties I have to do.

I'd kill for a cigarette. I just want all this pain and hurt and stress to go away. I don't know how to make it stop. The nicotine won't help. The alcohol wouldn't work. I'd go for another walk but I'm terrified of having a panic attack somewhere random.

2-3 times a day at this point, I have a panic attack.

It's incredibly painful and scary. I feel like I'm going to have a heartattack when these things go on. They make me just want to lay down in a dark place and disappear. And when it passes, I'm too exhausted to function like a normal person. I'm so fucking sick and tired.

Of it all.

I'm so close to being finished with this job.

Last day of final exams is today.
Graduation is tonight.
The kids watch movies Wed-Thur.
I get a check and move out of my room on Fri.

I can do this, damn it.

3 days.

Graduation was a beautiful ceremony. Those students have worked really hard and deserve it. I'm so excited for them, and proud.

May is always a beautiful month in that way. Celebrations and milestones.

I got a little more weepy than usual this year - 2019 marks my own 10 years out of high school. It also marks a very new and different chapter in my life. I was awed to listen to the students give their speeches in the culmination of how relatable it all seemed to my own situation and future.

I have just a few more days of work, and I'm determined to get through.

In a way, I feel as liberated as the Seniors - I'm done and finished. Moving on and moving out.

But more importantly, today and tonight has been proof of what I've been working on for the last 5 years of my life. Graduation night is the bread and butter of Public Edu - and tonight was the richest yet.

My job has not be for nothing. And that's a huge relief.

0 days.

It's finished. Sayonara.