Sunday morning greeted us like a long lost friend. After showering and one of the most solid nights sleep I can remember we were energetic, refreshed and ready to hit the road for our final day of travel. Our ultimate objective was obviously home but we had planned a backroads route that would take us through some of the most beautiful country in the state. I grabbed a coffee, loaded up the roadster and Mrs. Ulcer did whatever women do in the bathroom for hours upon hours. I swear I have no idea what goes on in there. I'm banished from seeing it, a fact that drives someone like me with an insatiable sense of curiosity absolutely crazy. It's like tying a balloon to a cat's tail but more annoying. Any women who may be reading this would do all of mankind a great service in disclosing the ritualistic activities performed in that small space every day.
With everything finally ready we hit the road out of Longview and headed southwest towards Henderson, a town we were thankfully able to avoid by skirting the west side of. I hate Henderson. A couple of years back I was making sales calls there (and doing a bit of Urbexing) and was headed back to my hotel in Marshall. I hadnt eaten anything all day and was ready to gnaw my arm off. It was at that very moment just before I began sinking my teeth into my bicep that I spotted a Taco Bell. I flipped a coin to determine which I was going to have (they seemed equally disgusting) and my arm lost so I hit the drive through. Naturally the mental giants fucked up my order so I'm driving through town tossing out the tomatoes I specifically asked them to withhold out of the window. Moments later, I see in my rear-view mirror the flashing lights of the local police. After a thorough interrogation which included such important questions as to where I purchased my vehicle I was informed that tossing food from your window is a crime in Henderson. I wanted to argue that Taco Bell tomatoes shouldnt be considered food but figured that it would probably get me the more serious charge of polluting and require the assistance of a HazMat team to rectify so I kept quiet. The end result was tickets for speeding, (39 in a 35...), no seat belt, and warnings for littering, and no license plate on the front. What a bunch of dicks!
Once again we encountered a small historical marker which I was willing to ignore but Mrs. Ulcer said it would make a nice photo so we stopped, turned around and checked it out. Turns out she was right! Unlike the last cemetery historical marker this one had a one lane paved road leading off into the distance near a farmhouse. After some "discussion" I made the decision to check it out over the objections of the wife who insisted the entire way that there was no road to the cemetery just to the farmhouse. In fact she was "insisting" the entire way with her "insistence" growing in volume with every foot traveled. Turns out she was right about that too...
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Back on the road we traveled for quite some time without seeing another vehicle. It being rural Texas, I expected we would encounter all manner of dilapidated pickup trucks being outpaced by snails and heading for one of those cult-like churches I mentioned in Part I of this story. Instead we seemed to have the entire road to ourselves. It was wonderful. The top was down so we were enjoying a nice drive through wooded hills and fresh spring air. It was one of those experiences that you only get to enjoy a few times in life, unless of course you live in Switzerland but then again we didnt have to wear funny shorts and suspenders.
We had taken a small farm to market road somewhere and loving life doing 70 mph through curvy and hilly country on a well paved road. Somehow I managed to spot a white building off to my left and about 2 miles found a place to turn around. I'm glad I did! We stopped at this small country church and took a few photos. It being about 9:30 in the morning I was shocked that it wasnt occupied but the door was locked so we moved on.
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The next stop was Ponta, TX, a town so small MapQuest doesnt even recognize it! There isnt much left of Ponta but luckily for me there was a dilapidated old grocery, burger joint that was wide open and covered in the best that Mother Nature could throw at it. As soon as we spotted this little gem, I didnt have to say a word, Mrs. Ulcer pulled over and said with a sigh and a smile, "Go ahead..."
As far as explores goes it really wasnt much but you never know what you're going to find. In this little gem I found that anything weighing over 80 pounds will go crashing through the rotted wooden floor in the back room...
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With a throbbing and bloodied left shin as well as the reminder that rotting buildings are just that - rotting, we continued on.
We were now on a 4 lane highway and not enjoying things as much. With the top down 18 wheeled vehicles were louder than a jet engine and produced more wind than a cat. 5 hurricane! We were anxious to get back to our little country roads when we spotted another historical marker. We stopped and read the little bit and were left wondering, what the hell? It described the nearby town of New Birmingham and its importance as well as it's considerable size. There was nothing there. Just a sign on the side of the road. We noticed a slight path that had been walked through and with Mrs. Ulcer having to pee (again) thought that this would offer as much privacy as any place. Not far along the path on the left side was a bunch of bricks covered in moss. At first it just looked like a big rock but you could tell that some of the bricks were going in different directions. Now this was cool. Something left of the old town after all! We continued to follow the path through rather thick woods until things opened up a short distance leading back to the highway. We were both amazed to see that the hills along the road were actually covering up some of the old buildings of the town! It was absolutely beautiful! All around us were similar hills that were different than the surrounding landscape. We were literally standing on top of a small buried city! We both wanted to look around more but Mrs. Ulcer had flip-flops on and it probably wasnt a good idea so we took off.
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By now it was mid-morning and we were both thinking that the Taco Bell in Henderson was looking good. The next town we came into was a little place called Alto. As we drove through this place there were no fast food options to grab on the run. A couple of bikers were in front of us and they pulled into a couple of parking places on main street. We looked and saw that they too were hungry and had found Miss Mollies Diner. It wasnt much to look at but the breakfast was wonderful! Massive portions and all for less than $6.00 a plate! If you're ever in the area I would HIGHLY recommend you stop in.
Years ago I was headed home to Houston from East Texas and found my way on the most beautiful highway I had ever traveled. It seemed like every mile there were historical markers (which I didnt stop at) and even old Caddo Indian burial mounds close to 2000 years old. For the life of me I couldnt remember the name of that highway. It just so happened that after eating breakfast we discovered that we were about to take it all the way to Crockett!
It was exactly as I had remembered. A beautiful drive through the Davy Crockett National Forrest and historical markers about every mile. I'm not kidding. It actually became a joke with us and the historical markers. We stopped at every one! One of these places we stopped was a state park with a couple of these old burial mounds and a replica of what the Caddo Indians houses looked like <yawn>. There was a museum on the grounds but we decided to skip it and keep going. I didnt bother walking up to them and Mrs. Ulcer didnt even bother to get out of the car. After seeing an entire city buried and forgotten, a couple of grass covered hills didnt really do it for us.
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A lot of the historical markers were nothing more than a rock that marked some trail that had some historical significance but we stopped anyway to say we stopped. The object of my REAL interest was an old Spanish mission that had been constructed in the 1600's! Now THIS was going to be interesting. The nice waitress at Mollie's had told us it was just a few miles up the road and I was anxious to see this place.
Less than one mile to my destination we passed a sign and the following conversation took place.
Mrs. Ulcer: "Wait! Did you see that sign?"
Me: "What? The old tree? It's a tree. So what?"
Mrs. Ulcer: "It's an old tree. I wanted to see it! Why do we always have to stop at things that YOU want to see?!?!"
Me: "Its an old tree. Who gives a shit?"
Mrs. Ulcer: "Well I wanted to see it!"
Me: "You should have said something. Besides its just a tree."
Mrs. Ulcer: "I did say something and you kept going. You said it's just an old tree. This is typical...."
<It was at this point I tuned her out and began to slow down>
Mrs. Ulcer: "What are you doing?"
Me: "Im turning around so you can see your tree."
Mrs. Ulcer: "Oh no! Forget it! I dont even want to see it now. Just keep going. We can go see your stuff"
Me: "Nope. We're going to see the tree!"
Mrs. Ulcer: "I dont care. I dont want to see it!"
Me: "We're going to see that fucking tree NOW! We're seeing that tree come hell or high water!"
Just as I had finished uttering these words we were parked in front of the tree and we both got out. It wasnt a state historical site but there was a small plaque with a piece of paper under plastic that described the tree. As the whole thing was covered in black mold it was almost impossible to read but the gist of it was that one of the early settlers in the area planted the very same pepper tree we were now looking at. I've seen weeds that were prettier and more interesting. Scrawny and scraggly branches protruded from a base that had been cut away by about 2/3. We stood there for a minute, I took a picture and we both got in the car where silence prevailed. I got back on the road and Mrs. Ulcer said, "You were right. That wasnt worth it".
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The next stop was the Tejas Mission which is in a state park. I stopped in front of the office as there was an entrance fee. I asked the lady about the mission and she gave me some background on it. As it turns out it was the first Spanish mission built in East Texas. As we were talking I looked on the counter in front of me and saw a brochure of the building. It was all wooden and looked a bit too well preserved. When I mentioned this I was informed that the original mission was only in operation for 3 years and that the building on the grounds was a replica built by the Civilian Conservation Corps in the 1930's. In fact the replica is just an approximation of the original as there were no plans of the building. I asked what happened to the original. "It was burned down" she replied. "Why was it burned down?" I asked. "Well the missionaries didnt want to leave anything useful behind for the Indians". I said, "Well. That was awfully Christian of them" and left...
We continued down Highway 21 until we reached the town of Crockett, TX., a place that's seen more changes than Pamela Anderson's tits. This place has boomed and busted with both oil and timber and right now seems to be a bust on both fronts. The reason for my stopping here was to hit a place that has been on my URBEX bucket list for years.
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I will do a separate thread on that one but I will say here that I'm deeply grateful that I got to experience this wonderful location before it's either restored to a semi-modern museum monstrosity or torn down completely.
By this time it was early afternoon and Mrs. Ulcer had had about enough travel fun as she could stand. We were both a bit worn out and anxious to go see BeauBeau The Dog so we headed home with a promise that I wouldnt stop again. That promise was broken broken before we got out of town.
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John Galt, on Flickr
I couldnt resist - the irony was too great!
