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blitz
Location: Cumberland, ME Gender: Neither Total Likes: 330 likes
Good news!
| | | | let's be friends. < on 12/17/2014 8:41 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Last week was dumped by this girl I had been seeing about 2 months, after taking an extended break (over a year) from being in any sort of relationship. Received the classic “it’s not you it’s me”, which after pursuing for the truth I learned meant “i’m not into you romantically.” We had an incredibly physical relationship with little in the way of emotional communication, making me wonder if I was just some sort of boy-toy, obviously I learned my lesson about “playing it cool” and trying to protect myself by not expressing my feelings (I was very into her). Anyways, I digress. We have a mutual friend from college (her roommate, one of my very good friends) who introduced us. We knew each other in college, but just had never interacted, so we were never friends before or anything. I know this “relationship” is over… took me a few days to get my act together but obviously I have no interest in pursuing someone who can’t see me for the beautiful soul I am… especially after they had the opportunity to get to know me and then dumped me like a piece of trash. Here’s where it gets interesting. She seemed incredibly adamant about telling me how nice of a guy I am and how much fun she had getting to know me, and hopes we’ll being friends going forward… and that’s where I’m stuck. I know girls say this shit because A. they suck at communicating, and B. think it’s a more gentle way to let someone down as opposed to saying “we should never talk again”, but I wonder why she would have bothered to say this, since she knows we have mutual friends and in reality are bound to see each other, potentially in the relatively near-future. For the short-term I’m planning on ignoring any thought of possibly seeing her (I will not be visiting her roommate/my friend in Boston until I’m 10,000,000% over it), but in the long-run we have a lot of mutual friends and she advised “I’m sure I’ll see you soon in either Boston or Portland (where I live)”. If I’m bound to see her again after being casually disposed of, how do I respond? I’ve NEVER remained a “friend” of any ex ever, I like to think I’m on good terms with all of my ex’s, but I’ve simply just never had to interact with them again other than an occasional text or email or something, nothing serious what-so-ever. If I’m overly kind, desperate to be friends, and god-forbid, apologetic for our failed “relationship”, I don’t see that going very well. If I’m rude and completely uninterested, I imagine I’ll appear to be quite the asshole and quite an unattractive human being. I guess what I’m wondering is, people who have been in this situation… what’s your history/experience with this type of situation? Have you ever had success becoming friends with an ex, perhaps in a situation where pretty much everything you know about that person you learned while in some sort of physical relationship? Is there any hope for friendship or peace between me and this girl? I think the reality of my situation is once I’m completely over being dumped, I’ll probably be uninterested in having any sort of further contact with her other than to manipulate her to feel bad for losing out on an awesome guy like me. Does that make me a shitty person, or just human? As of now, I feel like I'd like to be friends with her, as I mentioned above I did very much like this girl and it'd be a darn shame for us to never share smiles again as friends, but I'm not sure if that's in my nature. Does this girl deserve my friendship? Do I deserve her friendship if I think I would just try and manipulate it?
[last edit 12/17/2014 8:43 PM by blitz - edited 2 times]
| I may not believe in marriage, but I do believe in best men. |
| blitz
Location: Cumberland, ME Gender: Neither Total Likes: 330 likes
Good news!
| | | | Re: let's be friends. < Reply # 7 on 1/12/2015 10:09 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Posted by G to the Race Good luck with your uninterested scheme but don't discount the power of pussy. You obviously dig this chick and you're hurt she doesn't feel the same. My advice, don't go friend-zone, show her your obvious male attributes so that she cannot resist you. But don't get all rapey.
| Yeah... You're 100% right. But I'm curious, are you suggesting I show my "obvious male attributes" now or down the line when I inevitably see her? I assume you mean the latter, because the former is not happening after that convo from Friday. When you add the "don't get all rapey" it becomes even less clear. I'm planning to steer clear of any sort of contact for a few weeks/months and then when I inevitably encounter her at her place or elsewhere, I'll either... A. Get friend-zoned, because I won't care at that point B. Refuse to be friend-zoned out of dis-interest and desire to maintain my dignity after being rather unceremoniously cast-aside C. Get friend-zoned out of desperation D. Bust out my obvious male attributes so she can't resist me the likelihood of any of these four situations becoming reality? A. 33% B. 33% C. 33% D. .9%
[last edit 1/12/2015 10:09 PM by blitz - edited 1 times]
| I may not believe in marriage, but I do believe in best men. |
| Astro Usually naked
Location: The Delta Quadrant Gender: Male Total Likes: 791 likes
Resistance is Futile
| | | Re: let's be friends. < Reply # 8 on 1/13/2015 4:27 AM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Posted by blitz
This may sound kind of evil, but I hope next time I do see her she is overly friendly so I can be a cold, dis-interested bastard.
| I just want to say this is the wrong way to go about it, negativity breeds negativity and doesn't do anything for you in the long run except make you look like an asshole. It makes you feel good for a moment...but then what? You're getting satisfaction out of seeing someone hurt, and that's kind of shitty. We all see it but often fail to recognize it in ourselves. Recently I was rejected by someone, we talked it out and in the end, it wasn't going to work out anyways, despite any interest on my part of his. But during the whole thing I realized something crucial: I want him in my life. When we like someone and have any sort of feeling towards someone, it often means we want that person in our life and were considering it for the long haul. Does being dumped hurt? Of course it does. Does that mean they're wrong and you're right? No, of course not. I have played both sides of the card and from my experience, the one who got hurt makes the final call on being friends, because in the end it's their emotions that need to be dealt with. Ultimately, you wanted this girl in your life for some reason or another, and saying she wants to be friends means she does want you in hers to come capacity, though time is the telling factor in this. With me and the guy I liked...he's now one of my closest friends and I know I can be candid with him without being judged. Maybe with time you will be on these same pages with this girl. You never really know til it happens. But for the love of all that's good, don't be a jerk. Creating negative feelings for negative feelings doesn't help either of you and is ultimately damaging, especially if she is in your friend circle in some capacity. Be strong and supportive, for a healthier relationship with everyone.
| [02:33:56] <Valkyre> Astro your whole life is ruled by the sentence ' life is better without clothes on' [22:16:00] <DSomms> it was normal until astro got here Astro: Patron Saint of Drains |
| blitz
Location: Cumberland, ME Gender: Neither Total Likes: 330 likes
Good news!
| | | | Re: let's be friends. < Reply # 9 on 1/13/2015 3:33 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Posted by Astro I have played both sides of the card and from my experience, the one who got hurt makes the final call on being friends, because in the end it's their emotions that need to be dealt with. Ultimately, you wanted this girl in your life for some reason or another, and saying she wants to be friends means she does want you in hers to come capacity, though time is the telling factor in this. With me and the guy I liked...he's now one of my closest friends and I know I can be candid with him without being judged. Maybe with time you will be on these same pages with this girl. You never really know til it happens. But for the love of all that's good, don't be a jerk. Creating negative feelings for negative feelings doesn't help either of you and is ultimately damaging, especially if she is in your friend circle in some capacity. Be strong and supportive, for a healthier relationship with everyone.
| Makes sense. I think time is completely of the essence, and the best thing to do is just lock it away & forget about it until I actually have to deal with it.
| I may not believe in marriage, but I do believe in best men. |
| blitz
Location: Cumberland, ME Gender: Neither Total Likes: 330 likes
Good news!
| | | | Re: let's be friends. < Reply # 12 on 1/14/2015 7:07 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Posted by G to the Race You don't see her on the reg? That limits your opportunities greatly. What I meant was show your interest by being kinda alpha (hold the door for her, do the kids of stuff that shows you dig her). The "rapey" thing was a joke, but I wouldn't want you to just force yourself on her to show that you are interested in her physically.
| Yeah we live like two hours away from each other. I'm in her neck of the woods at least twice a month for work, but we're uhh, not talking for at least a few weeks I guess? That was never really concretely established but for my sanity it doesn't really make much sense for us to be in touch, since we both made it pretty clear we had completely different expectations. Posted by G to the Race My wife and I were first friends and then found that we liked each other enough to handle being alone together. Our advantage was neither of us went to the friendship w/another motive, at least I can say for sure I didn't. It was cool to find another person who kinda saw the world the way I did. If you have that w/this gal, hang on it could go places.
| Honestly, I'm not going to "hang on" because I think that'd be counter productive and just make moving on with my life (in whatever direction) more complicated. I made it incredibly clear what my thoughts of her were (I wanna be with you), and she made hers incredibly clear (I liked being with you, but had no expectations of us being anything serious, lets be friends now), so continuing to poke at that scab will just make me look like a pretty desperate fool, I'd imagine. When it comes down to it, we were never friends beforehand. We had a lot of mutual friends. The idea that a friendship between us could root from the ashes of our failed relationship seems kind of hard to grasp at this point. Let me know if you think differently, but I'm pretty convinced the only way I can remain a sane, rational human being and deal with this situation is just take a step back and reflect & relax for a few weeks, and avoid any sort of contact because obviously nothing is going to change in the short-term. When I inevitably do encounter her again, hopefully I'm over the anger that makes me want to be an asshole, and I'm able to be myself so perhaps we can start over and become friends independently of any sort of past we may have had. If that somehow happens and I'm still feeling the way I am today, well then that's when I'll make a move.
| I may not believe in marriage, but I do believe in best men. |
| G to the Race
Total Likes: 305 likes
Hi!
| | | Re: let's be friends. < Reply # 13 on 1/16/2015 3:17 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Posted by blitz
Yeah we live like two hours away from each other. I'm in her neck of the woods at least twice a month for work, but we're uhh, not talking for at least a few weeks I guess? That was never really concretely established but for my sanity it doesn't really make much sense for us to be in touch, since we both made it pretty clear we had completely different expectations.
Honestly, I'm not going to "hang on" because I think that'd be counter productive and just make moving on with my life (in whatever direction) more complicated. I made it incredibly clear what my thoughts of her were (I wanna be with you), and she made hers incredibly clear (I liked being with you, but had no expectations of us being anything serious, lets be friends now), so continuing to poke at that scab will just make me look like a pretty desperate fool, I'd imagine. When it comes down to it, we were never friends beforehand. We had a lot of mutual friends. The idea that a friendship between us could root from the ashes of our failed relationship seems kind of hard to grasp at this point. Let me know if you think differently, but I'm pretty convinced the only way I can remain a sane, rational human being and deal with this situation is just take a step back and reflect & relax for a few weeks, and avoid any sort of contact because obviously nothing is going to change in the short-term. When I inevitably do encounter her again, hopefully I'm over the anger that makes me want to be an asshole, and I'm able to be myself so perhaps we can start over and become friends independently of any sort of past we may have had. If that somehow happens and I'm still feeling the way I am today, well then that's when I'll make a move.
| Good thinking. I was under the impression you were pining for her. I hate reading about folks who are just jonesing to be with someone and they don't do anything about it. Sounds like you have a grip on what you want to do and that's great. Continue to be fabulous and maybe she will come around. If not, her loss.
| You betcha |
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