 |
|
|
UER Store
|
|
sweet UER decals:
|
|
|
|
Activity
|
|
901 online
Server Time:
2024-04-20 05:11:37
|
|
|
 | MONKEYPOOP A cradle to grave story
entry by junkyard
7/11/2004 6:44 PM
| The beginnings of the great monkeypoop embargo can be traced back to the early 1930's shortly after the first monkey ate his first banana. Ever since then there was a great demand to haul the vile substance. I mean you can't have that stuff laying around in the street can you? The Oshkosh Truck Corporation began running 3 shifts overtime to keep up with the demand for monkeypoop hauling trucks. It turned out that trucks couldn't be produced fast enough and pipelines had to be built to move massive amounts in big cities.
This was all well and good you see, until people in general started to piss off The Mouse, that is. The Mouse was sick of people going about their pathetic daily lives and not worshiping Him like they should. Man was taking decisions into his own hands, decisions that were not his to make..... Aafter having such successes as the A-Bomb and later the H-Bomb, man thought he was in control of his world. Mankind was getting greedy, power-hungry, and sloppy. Soon he was closing breweries and gave little heed to the concequences. This infuriated The Mouse, to say the least, I would even go so far as to say He was pissed off. The Command was called upon to strike back. At first we didn't want to do it. But after The Mouse reminded us that no one's life is worth more than 12 cents, there were several volunteers who stepped foreward. Like it or not, we had a job to do, and that was to haul monkeypoop. We built our own trucks and offered to haul it at a lower price, thus driving the competition out of business. We bought their trucks at auctions for fractions of their worth, and hauled even more monkeypoop. Soon we started closing the monkey valves on the pipelines burried beneath the cities and long since forgotten about.
Monkeypoop was backing up and nobody knew how to fix the problem. They were forced to pay us to haul it. We made hundreds of dollars every year. The one thing we hadn't planned on was where to properly dispose of it. All the disposal stations were run by Enron and boarded up by now. Prime exploring sites, but no place to dump monkeypoop. At first we stored it in the basement in little jars. Then The Mouse decided since breweries were closing left and right and basicly the world was going to shit anyway, we'd wait til it rains and open the valves down the highway. This proved to be only a temporary solution and we had to build our own monkeypoop refinery. We dumped it all in Chicago and used dozers to push it into the plant just outside town. Here at the modern state-of-the-art facillity, we refine and reprocess it into many useful items you use every day. It is used in kitchen/bathroom cleaners, lipstick, food preservatives, even in your car's airbag (one more reason you hope you never have to use it) We've been doing this since the late 70's and if you don't all start sending money we can go on strike until the stuff starts to cook and fester in the street. The stench will be overpowering, property values will plummet. YOU WILL ALL PAY.
Please send contributions/bribes to:
The Mouse
12345 Sekrit Hideout Way
{city censored as to not reveal sekrit location of actual hideout}
[last edit 7/14/2004 1:55 AM by junkyard - edited 2 times]
Modify Entry |
|
Comments: (use Reply to add a comment)
| This thread is in a public category, and can't be made private. |
|
All content and images copyright © 2002-2024 UER.CA and respective creators. Graphical Design by Crossfire.
To contact webmaster, or click to email with problems or other questions about this site:
UER CONTACT
View Terms of Service |
View Privacy Policy |
Server colocation provided by Beanfield
This page was generated for you in 78 milliseconds. Since June 23, 2002, a total of 738571657 pages have been generated.
|
|
